


Green Eyes and Piano Keys

by orphan_account



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Abusive Family, Alternate Universe, Anal Play, Anal Sex, Bottom Jared, Coming Untouched, Condoms, Depression, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, J2, Jared is 16, Jensen is 20, M/M, Mild Language, Mutual Masturbation, Oral Sex, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Top Jensen, Underage - Freeform, piano teacher Jensen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-30
Updated: 2017-01-02
Packaged: 2018-08-11 23:36:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 18
Words: 33,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7911931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jared’s resistant to learn the piano, but his new piano teacher might be able to break him out of his shell, and save him in more ways than one.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Currently sitting as a mature fic, but it will turn explicit in the future for sexual content, as well as tags will be updated as the fic progresses.

“Seriously? My last teacher was so stuffy and boring. What makes you think this one will be any different?” Jared whined.

 

His father sighed. “Well, he’s closer to your age. And he comes highly recommended.”

 

“As long as he’s ‘highly recommended’,” Jared sniped, earning a glare from his father.

 

“You’re taking the damn lessons, Jared Tristan. That’s final.”

 

*

 

Jared shuffled into the ballroom at just past eight on the morning of his first lesson with the new piano instructor. What he saw there floored him. A tall young man with light brown hair in a button up shirt and a leather jacket was leaning against the piano, tapping out a complex melody on the keys as easy as breathing.

 

The man looked up, sun glinting off his emerald eyes behind fitting wire frame glasses. The man offered a stunning smile before speaking, “Was I early or are you late?”

 

Jared’s mouth worked for a few seconds before he could speak. “I’m late. I’m jared, I’m s—“

 

“No need to apologize. Eight in the morning on a Saturday is a bit early for a piano lesson anyways. I’m Jensen Ackles.” He offered his hand – perfectly manicured pianist fingers and a dappling of freckles over the back.

 

Jared nearly tripped over his own feed to shake the man’s – Jensen’s – hand. “H—Hi.”

 

Jensen’s smile grew. “Come on and sit with me. I like to get to know the people I teach, and let them get to know me. See if we’re a good fit.” He made a motion with his arm to the patio.

 

As they walked out into the morning sunlight, Jared braced himself, determined to make sure they were an excellent fit in every way. 


	2. Just a Crush

In twenty minutes of conversation Jared learned that Jensen was twenty, only four years his senior, was attending the local college as a music and business double major, lived in a small apartment with his dog only ten minutes away, and loved playing rock and country on the piano rather than classical pieces. Suffice to say, Jared was already head over heels.

 

“I think we’ll get along great,” Jared finally said, unable to stop staring at Jensen.

 

“Oh yeah? Tell me a little about yourself.”

 

“Not much to tell. I’m in high school—“  


“Which one?”

 

“Landis. That private school up on the hill.”

 

“Fancy. What do you do for fun?”

 

Jared laughed, flushing red. “Not much. Hang out with friends sometimes, go to the club with my family. Listen to music, write.”

 

“What do you write?”

 

“Music. But my Dad doesn’t approve. It’s rock, pop, some country. Rather unbecoming of the next senator of our great state, he figures.”

 

Jensen laughed. “Senator? Pretty big dreams.”

 

Jared snorted, “His dreams. Not mine. I wanna be a singer or an actor. I hate that political crap.”

 

“Well, let’s see what you know. Come on,” Jensen rose, his fingers brushing Jared’s shoulder as he passed. The touch sent sparks down through Jared’s body. He had no idea how he’d get through the next half hour of this lesson, let alone the other lesson planned this week, and twice weekly from here on out.

 

*

 

Jensen laughed a little as Jared finished up a rendition of ‘Another One Bites the Dust’. “Pretty good. Scooch. Do you know Rachmaninoff?”

 

“No.” Jared flushed, moving so Jensen could take a seat.

 

“No problem, I’ve got the music here,” He said, digging in a backpack previously tucked under the bench. “It’s a classical piece, very tricky to play, but I think you’ll enjoy it. It’s one of my favorites.” He set up the sheets so Jared could see. “As much as I’d love playing rock with you all day, I don’t feel like your father would appreciate it.”

 

Jared rolled his eyes but smiled, placing his hands near Jensen’s on the keys. Jensen was _made_ to play the piano. Next to him, Jared’s hands looked gawky and clunky – he knew he was going to embarrass himself trying this.

 

A self-fulfilling prophecy, Jared managed to foul up almost instantly, his fingers stumbling over the keys.

 

Instead of the scolding he imagined, Jensen only smiled, rising and going behind Jared.

 

“Relax,” He instructed, placing his hands over Jared’s. Gently guiding, he helped the teen play the first few measures of his portion of the composition. Jared’s heart was pounding in his throat. Jensen was close enough the Jared could feel his breath on his ear.

 

“Perfect,” Jensen whispered, the word driving straight into Jared’s heart – and cock, but that was an entirely different problem.

 

“Glad to see some work getting done,” Jared’s father said, startling the two.

 

Jensen stood straight, setting his hand on Jared’s shoulder. “Yes, Sir. You’ve got a very talented son here.”

 

“Well, high praises considering his last piano teacher walked out without his last paycheck – Jared drove him away with his pranks and insolence.”

 

Jared looked down, his cheeks burning. Jensen’s hand tightened on his shoulder.

 

“Ah, pranks don’t bug me. I can give as good as any. I don’t think I’ll be going anywhere. Though I would like to discuss a more reasonable time for these lessons—“ He wandered toward Jared’s father, still speaking.

 

Jared watched them walk out together, a small smile forming on his lips. When the door shut and the voices faded, Jared turned and began to play the notes, determined to impress Jensen if it was the last thing he did.


	3. Wishlist

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to add a note that Jared's dad is not at all based on Mr. Padalecki. The elder Padalecki in this fic is an OMC, inserted to be a complete douchebag and move the story along. It no way reflects how I think Jared's father really is (he actually seems like a very kind and loving father and person in general.)

“Jared, go to bed. That noise is keeping your mother up.”

 

Jared glanced over at his father, standing in the doorway of the ballroom.

 

“It’s classical – at least I’m not blasting my rock music,” He snapped, closing the fallboard of the Steinway carefully.

 

“You’ve been playing that same piece for two weeks. Pick another.”

 

“I wanna make sure it’s perfect for tomorrow. To show Jensen.”

 

“What about him has you so eager to please?”

 

Jared rose, grabbing the sheets of music. “Nothin’.”

 

“I’m serious, Jared. You’ve had six lessons with the guy and you haven’t lipped off, hell you’ve barely left the piano except to eat and sleep. So what changed?”

 

Jared shoved past his father. “Maybe it’s ‘cause he treats me right. He doesn’t treat me like I’m some dumb kid! Like I’m smart and what I’m saying matters. But fine, I’ll go back to being your asshole kid.” He stormed off, slamming the door to his bedroom hard enough to shake the pictures on the walls.

 

*

 

Jared was stretched out on a lounge chair in his swim trunks when Jensen arrived the following afternoon.

 

“Lazy day?” He called.

 

Jared jerked his sunglasses off and sat up. “Jensen! I didn’t hear you drive up.”

 

“My bike’s in the shop. I took my car,” Jensen supplied.

 

They met halfway across the patio.

 

“Well, you’re just full of surprises, aren’t you?” Jared asked, touching Jensen’s arm.

 

In only two weeks, Jared had fallen even more in love with his handsome piano instructor. He’d picked up and eagerly learned music he’d previously hated, and was proud to do it – anything to see that smile grace Jensen’s freckled face.

 

His favorite continued to be Rachmaninoff’s Opus Eleven, the first piece they’d played together. It was complex, melancholic and uplifting, and even hearing the opening measures sent Jared’s heart into a sporadic pitter-patter with images of Jensen, leaning over the shining black Steinway, playing with a fervor that Jared had seen in very few people.

 

Of course, Jared hadn’t gotten the nerve to do anything about his crush. He was afraid of screwing up a good thing, and someone like Jensen could never be into a kid like Jared.

 

So, he kept quiet. He flirted harmlessly when he thought he could get away with it and spent his evenings fantasizing about what Jensen’s mouth might taste like – among other things.

 

“Ready to work?” Jensen asked, pulling Jared out of his daydream.

  
Jared nodded as they headed toward the ballroom. “Yeah, I’ve been practicing some of the pieces you left me. I’m getting really good at that Chopin piece; I barely have to look at the sheet music. And the Ra—“

 

“Who, whoa, slow down, Jay. I was thinking something a little different today.”

 

“Oh? What?”

 

Jensen grinned. He sat on the piano bench and began to dig through his backpack. “The maid told me your Mom and Dad were out today.”

 

“Yeah, at the club. They go every Saturday almost. Why?”

 

Jensen extracted a book of sheet music and held it up for Jared’s inspection. Jared gasped.

 

“Pearl Jam? No way.” He grabbed the book and looked through it.

 

“Yeah, I saw it at the music store a few days ago and thought of you.”

 

Jared’s heart swelled at Jensen’s words. He slung his arms around Jensen and squeezed, burying his face in the crook of his neck. Cedar, sage, and a hint of musky sweat filled Jared’s nose. Somewhere in the back of his mind it clicked that Jensen was _actually hugging him back_.

 

He pulled away after a moment, red from his hairline to his belly button. “Sorry, that was inappropriate.”

 

“No, it’s okay, Jared. Come on, pick a song.” He rose, lifting the fallboard and lid of the piano before leaning on it.

  
With shaking hands Jared flipped through the book, finally settling on a song that he _hoped_ would get a message through to his godly piano instructor.

 

Jared caught the smile playing on Jensen’s lips when he began the opening chords of _Wishlist._

 

“Can you sing?” Jared asked, his brows drawn together in concentration as he played.

 

“I can try. Move over so I can see.”

 

Jared did as he asked, his hand slipping on the keys a little. Jensen smiled. “Take it from the top.”

 

Jared’s hands shook gently as he began again, overwhelmed with Jensen sitting so close to him.

 

“ _I wish I was a neutron bomb, for once I could go off. I wish I was a sacrifice but somehow still lived on,”_

Jared, feeling brave, joined in softly, still playing, “ _I wish I was a sentimental ornament you hung on the Christmas tree. I wish I was the star that went on top.”_

Their eyes met briefly, green and gold, and Jensen smiled softly. He brought his hands up, playing a similar tune to match Jared’s as they sung.

 

Their voices rose and faded with the music, falling in sync as if they’d been working together for years, rather than weeks.

 

Jensen stopped singing at the last verse, allowing Jared to finish, “ _I wish I was the verb to trust that never let you down…”_

 

When the last note faded, Jensen smiled and Jared laughed, letting his hands fall from the keys.

  
“That was excellent, Jared.”

  
“You’re a great singer,” Jared responded, ignoring the compliment.

 

“Ah, only in the shower. I don’t sing in front of people very often.”

 

“Why not? Your voice is absolutely stunning.”

  
Jensen shook his head. “Just shy, I guess.”

 

“Well you shouldn’t be. You’re gorgeous. I—I mean your voice. It—It’s gorgeous.”

 

Jensen laughed. “You think I’m gorgeous?”

 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to say that out loud,” Jared said softly, looking down. He felt his face burning bright as he waited for Jensen to leave.

 

“Hey, don’t be sorry.” Jensen lifted Jared’s head with fingers on his chin. “You’re outspoken and you have a mind of your own. It’s one of the reasons why I like you so much.”

 

Jared glanced down again, looking at the keys for a moment before reaching up and tapping out a random beat, unsure of what to say. Jensen spoke first, breaking the awkward silence,

 

“Pick another song, we’ll play it together.”

 

Jared did, and they played for another hour, enjoying the music, and each other’s company.


	4. Just a Paycheck

The rest of the summer passed too quickly for Jared’s taste. He knew once school began his father planned to drop his lessons with Jensen to once a week, on Sundays, which meant no more time to play rock – they’d gotten quite good at most of the songs in the Pearl Jam book by this point – and even less time spent with Jensen.

 

They hadn’t brought up Jared’s slip the month before, but it seemed – in Jared’s mind at least – that Jensen was getting closer to him. Lingering touches, more charged looks – Jared knew he was probably just seeing what he wanted to see, but the idea was nice.

 

It was their final lesson before school picked up. Both boys were sitting at the piano, Jensen guiding Jared through a particularly complex Tchaikovsky measure.

 

“Not quite, but close,” Jensen said softly. He rose, leaning over Jared and guiding his hands. “You’ve gotta relax into the music a little more. Feel it here.” His palm pressed against Jared’s chest.

 

Trying to keep his heartrate calm and hoping Jensen wouldn’t notice the sudden quickening, Jared tried the measure once again.

 

“Great, you’re doing great, Jay,” Jensen praised, sitting back down.

 

Jared remained determined, playing through the first page before pausing and looking over at Jensen. “It’s good?” Jensen nodded.

 

“Excellent. You’ve improved so much in just a few months. Soon you won’t need me at all.”

 

Jared paled a little. “I’ll always need you, Jensen. You’re—“ He shook his head, smiling shyly.

 

“I’m what, Jared?” Jensen prodded, placing his hand on Jared’s arm.

 

“No, it’s stupid, I—I just really like you. You treat me like I’m human, an equal, rather than some annoying kid or a burden that you’re forced to be friends with. I know I’m just some paycheck to you but—“

 

“Hey, stop right there,” Jensen said, placing his finger over Jared’s mouth. “You’re not just some paycheck, Jared. I am your friend, and I do like spending time with you. Don’t think so low of yourself, it’s not you. You’re too good for that.”

 

Jared smiled softly when Jensen’s hand dropped from his mouth. He leaned forward, his heart pounding. This was going to happen, oh God, he’d waited months—

 

Jensen jumped off the bench quick enough that Jared nearly fell face first.

  
“What the hell?” He shouted, standing. They were nearly the same height, so Jared could see a tidal wave of emotions racing through Jensen’s gemstone eyes.

 

“I—We can’t, Jared.”

 

“I thought you said you liked me. Was I interpreting it wrong?” Jared asked, his voice breaking with hurt.

 

“No. God, no,” Jensen said, setting his hands on Jared’s shoulders.

 

“Then why not?”

 

“Because. Because you’re my student. Your dad—“

 

“My dad doesn’t need to find out. He won’t notice anyway.”

 

“Jared, I – I need to pay for college, plus other bills. I barely have to work other jobs with what your father is paying me. Plus, you—you’re sixteen. It’d be wrong.”

 

Jared’s jaw clenched, blinking to fight off tears. “Go away,” He hissed, jerking out of Jensen’s grip.

 

“Jay—“

 

“I said get out! Lesson’s over, I doubt my Dad will pay you overtime for babysitting his _kid_.”

 

“Jared, please, I’m sorry, I—“

 

“I’ll see you next Sunday, Mr. Ackles,” Jared whispered. He shoved past Jensen and stormed out of the ballroom.

 

The door to his bedroom was barely shut before Jared broke down, crying over his first heartbreak.


	5. The First Sunday

Junior Year started just like every other year. Backbreaking textbooks, a stuffy uniform, and ‘friends’ discussing sports and their latest European sexual encounters.

 

And, as usual, all Jared could do was shrug and nod. His parents didn’t trust him enough to travel to Europe with them, and his sexual history was a big fat goose egg.

 

Everything reminded Jared of Jensen.

 

One of his friends got a new motorcycle, even hearing it start up made Jared’s chest tighten.

 

Every classical piece in music class, even the new CD’s his friends brought from overseas – all Jensen.

 

By Saturday, Jared was willing to try anything short of jumping off the roof and busting his arm to avoid Sunday’s lesson. He was embarrassed, he knew Jensen was right – it’d never work between them. But damnit, he was hurt too. He’d taken a risk, admitting his feelings, and to have Jensen just brush him off was painful.

 

Maybe Jensen wouldn’t even show. Jared’s dad would just chalk it up to yet another failed teacher on account of his asshole kid.

 

But Sunday afternoon came, and Jensen walked into the ballroom, albeit ten minutes late.

 

“I am so sorry I’m late, my previous student ran over,” He apologized immediately.

 

Jared shrugged, sitting on the bench and lifting the fallboard.

 

“So, what do you wanna work on today?” Jensen tried again.

 

“Whatever you think is best, Sir.”

 

Jensen sighed, dropping his backpack on the bench next to Jared. “Do we really have to do this? Come on, it was a fight. Lots of famous pianists butted heads with their instructors.”

 

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure they didn’t try to kiss their instructor right before the fight.”

 

“Hey, never know. Some of those pianists are smokin’. I mean, have you _seen_ Beethoven?”

 

Jared didn’t miss the way Jensen’s face drooped when he didn’t laugh. He wanted nothing more than to grab Jensen’s head, smooth out those frown lines and put a beautiful smile back on Jensen’s lips, but he didn’t.

 

Instead, he crossed his fingers in his lap. “So, anyway, whatever you think I need to work on.”

 

“Well, we could practice the Rachmaninoff. You’re still a little shaky on –“

 

“I’d rather a solo piece. Not many options for four hand pieces in music class,” Jared said softly.

 

Jensen was silent for a long moment, but Jared refused to meet his gaze.

 

“Fine,” Jensen’s tone was sharper than Jared had ever heard. It made him wince a little.

 

Jensen practically threw a folder of music on his lap. “Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata. Begin.”

 

Jared looked up at Jensen, but he’d turned away, his hands clasped behind his back, standing rigid.

 

With shaking hands, Jared began to play, his nerves causing him to fumble the notes just a few measures in.

 

“Again,” Jensen said deadpan, still not looking at Jared.

 

Jared sighed and began again, only to fumble the notes once more.

 

“Again.”

 

And on it went. For nearly forty-five minutes Jared screwed up and Jensen snapped a single word, “Again.”

 

Finally, after trying over and over, Jared pounded his fists on the keys, startling Jensen into looking at him.

 

“Why are you acting like this?”

 

“Like what? Like the hard ass instructor your father _pays_ me to be? I was under the impression that was what you wanted.”

 

“Jensen—“

 

“What?!” Jensen slammed his hands down on the piano. “What do you want from me? You treat me like shit because I won’t break the fucking law, then you get pissed when I throw it right back. I’m done.”

 

Jared pulled back, putting up his defenses. “Should I tell my dad to start looking for a new instructor?”

 

Jensen remained silent. He began to pack his backpack, the muscle in his jaw twitching. It occurred to Jared that he’d never seen the soft spoken Jensen angry – and that he could seriously injure someone if he wanted to.

 

When Jensen finally spoke, his voice betrayed none of the anger in his face.

 

“No. Like you said, I need your father’s money. Practice that piece, I expect you to have improved playing it by next Sunday.”

 

“And if it’s not?” Jared called as Jensen headed out. “You’ll spank me?”

 

Jensen hesitated. He turned enough that Jared could see his profile. “No. I’ll tell your father that you’re being insolent and let _him_ deal with you.” He stormed out without another word.

 

Jared screamed, chucking the sheet music at the door as it slammed shut.


	6. An Accident

Jared paced around the ballroom the following Sunday. He knew there was a big chance that he’d royally ruined things last week, but didn’t think Jensen was the type to just ditch without any warning.

 

At nearly one fifteen, Jared’s father entered, holding the phone to his chest. “Jared, phone for you.”

 

“Who is it?”

 

“Jensen.”

 

Jared scowled and grabbed the phone. “Where are you?” He snapped.

 

Jensen’s tired laugh echoed in his ear. “Hello to you too, Jay. I’m in the hospital. I wanted to tell you, you know. Instead of just relaying the message through your dad.”

 

“Why are you in the hospital? What happened?”

 

“Ah, no biggie – wrecked my bike. Was being stupid.”

 

“Are you okay?”

 

“Yeah, I’m good, Jay. But, I’m gonna have to cancel our lessons for the next few months. My hands got busted up.”

 

“No, your hands, Jen, your music.”

 

“Hey, relax. Doc says it’s too soon to tell. I could get full mobility back.”

 

“Then don’t cancel our lessons. I’m sorry I was a jerk, Jensen. I was an ass. I want you to come back. You can still help me learn, even if you can’t play. We can work on written music or something, just until you’re better. Please don’t be mad.”

 

“I ain’t mad at you, Jay. I have to miss this lesson, though. They aren’t releasing me until tomorrow. Put your dad back and I’ll talk to him.”

 

“I worked on the music. I got better,” Jared said weakly.

 

“You can play it for me as soon as I’m out. I’ll stop by tomorrow evening.”

 

“Stay for dinner?” Jared asked, hopeful.

 

“I’ll ask your father. See you later, Jay.”

 

“Bye Jen.” He passed the phone back to his father and slipped out onto the patio to try and relax his tightened chest.

 

*

 

When Jensen walked into the ballroom the next evening Jared’s jaw nearly hit the floor. He had bruises and scrapes along his cheekbone and forehead, and his right arm was in a sling, three fingers in splints. His left arm was free, but the hand was curled up, forming a bit of a claw against his leg.

 

“Oh my God…” Jared rushed up to Jensen, hugging him despite his groan of protest.

 

“I’m okay, Jay. Ease up though – I have a couple of broken ribs.”

 

Jared backed up quickly. “My God, I’m so sorry. Come here, tell me what the hell happened.”

 

Jensen chuckled. They sat on the bench and he sighed, taking a moment to situate himself in a way that didn’t hurt. “I was partying Saturday night. Well, drinking with a friend, not really a party. I decided to drive home on my bike instead of taking a cab. Veered too far and crashed into the guardrail at about seventy, didn’t brake fast enough.”

 

“You don’t strike me as a drinker. I mean, you’re not even of age…”

 

“I’m not. Not normally.” Jensen looked down guiltily.

 

The look on Jensen’s face clicked in Jared’s brain, and he sat back, covering his mouth. “Oh God. It’s cause of me, isn’t it?” He asked, horrified.

 

“Jay—“

 

“It was, wasn’t it? I caused this. Jesus, you could have died.”

 

Jensen grabbed Jared as well as he could with his left arm, pulling him into a hug. He stroked Jared’s hair gently, shushing him.

 

“This isn’t on you, Jay. I promise. Don’t you think that. This is on me; it was a stupid mistake.”

 

“God, I just—“

 

“Don’t. Hey, I didn’t come tonight to make you sad. Play something for me.”

 

Jared smiled softly. He shifted over and placed his hands on the keys before beginning to play and sing. He was hyperaware that Jensen’s arm was still slung loosely around his shoulders, and found himself leaning into the touch.

 

_“I wish I was a neutron bomb for once I could go off…”_

He played through the song, his voice breaking a little with unshed tears. Without missing a beat, he blended the end of Wishlist into Opus 11, the melody sad and mournful without the second set of hands playing.

 

There was a soft knock on the ballroom door about halfway through the Opus. It opened to reveal Jared’s father, watching the two.

 

Jensen pulled his arm from Jared’s shoulders quickly and rose. “Good evening, Sir,” He said. Jared’s father scowled.

 

“Dinner’s ready.” He turned and walked out, and Jared heaved a sigh.

 

“My dad is such a jerk.”

 

“Doesn’t seem too bad. He let me stay for dinner.”

 

“Yeah, but I’m gonna get an earful if he heard me playing rock. He’ll play nice until you go home and then chew me out.”

 

“Maybe he won’t. Blame me. I wanted you to play it.”

 

“I won’t give him a reason to can you. He likes you for now.”

 

Jensen shrugged, knowing argument was useless. “Come on, we’d best hurry.”

*

 

Dinner was tense, to say the least. The Padaleckis were far from a tight knit family, and having someone over that wasn’t one of the elder Padalecki’s business associates strained things even more.

 

A few minutes into their appetizers, Jensen spoke, “I didn’t know Jared had siblings, Sir.”

 

“Yeah, Jared doesn’t talk about Jeff and me,” Megan chimed in.

 

“Oh that’s not it,” Jensen defended. “It just hasn’t come up.”

 

“Even if it had. Jared _never_ mentions us.”

 

Jared kicked Megan under the table. “Enough,” He hissed.

 

She grinned wider. “He hates that we’re the good ones, while he’s the boarding school material.”

 

Jensen on smiled, meeting Jared’s embarrassed look for a moment. “I think he’s a pretty good guy.”

 

Jared’s face reddened and he looked down at his soup, glaring through his bangs at Megan when she snorted, “I bet you do.”

 

“Jensen,” Jared chirped quickly, “How’s the soup?”

 

“It’s excellent. You’re an amazing cook, ma’am.”

 

The table fluttered with uneasy laughter.

 

“Oh, _I_ don’t cook. It was our chef,” She said, giving Jensen a pitying look.

 

“Oh. Well. Compliments to the chef then.”

 

“We pay him enough, it better be good,” Jared’s father muttered. “We also pay you a good sum, Mr. Ackles. What do you intend to do to earn that paycheck while your hands are healing?”

 

“Dad,” Jared hissed.

 

Jensen smiled, shifting his spoon awkwardly in his barely functional left hand.  “It’s alright, Jay. It’s a perfectly reasonable question from an employer.”

 

Megan sniggered at Jensen’s use of Jared’s nickname but Jensen continued, unfazed.

 

“I don’t know if you’re aware, but Jared has a great talent for writing music as well as playing it.”

 

Jared’s father waved his hand in the air. “Useless rock and other terrible things.”

 

“Perhaps now but – with your approval – I’d like to teach him how to write more classical sounding pieces as well. It’s difficult, but with his natural born ear for music and his already present talent for writing, it could be doable.”

 

“And how long do you anticipate being unable to play?”

 

“Well, I get the cast off in six weeks.”

 

Jared’s father nodded. “Very well, I’ll permit you to remain on for two months to teach him written music but I expect a shift back to playing afterward.”

 

“Understood Sir. Thank you,” Jensen said softly.

 

Jared beamed, meeting Jensen’s eyes for a moment. “Thanks, Dad,” He said softly.

 

“Do not make me regret it, Jared,” Was all his father said in response.

 

The main course only got worse. The chef had decided to serve steak, which would have been okay, but Jensen’s hands made it nearly impossible to eat without making a fool out of himself. It only took Jared a few seconds to put together why Jensen was staring helplessly at the chunk of meat on his plate. He leaned close and nudged him. “Want help?”

 

“If you could,” Jensen responded, his cheeks reddening a little.

 

Jared switched their plates and began to cut into the steak, well aware that his entire family was staring.

 

“My apologies, Mr. Ackles. Had I known you needed assistance I would have had our chef cut your food before bringing it out,” Jared’s mother said in a condescending tone.

 

“It’s fine, Mother,” Jared snapped, sliding Jensen’s plate back. “He’ll be golden in a few months.” He offered Jensen a supportive smile.

 

“Mr. Ackles, how do you plan on getting home?”

 

“Oh, I have my car,” Jensen supplied, eating carefully.

 

“They didn’t revoke your license? Didn’t you receive a DUI as well as an MIP?” Jared’s father questioned.

 

Jensen went a little pale. “I did – but I need my car for work. Provided I’m going to a student’s house they let me drive. May I ask how you found out about that? It wasn’t published anywhere to my knowledge.”

 

Jared’s father smirked. “I have ways of discovering things that I deem important to know about the people I employ. That information is a bit need-to-know, don’t you agree?”

 

Jensen swallowed audibly before speaking, “No. It doesn’t impede my teaching of your son any more than an accident not involving alcohol would have, Sir.”

 

The dining room was silent enough to hear a pin drop. It wasn’t often that someone stood up to Jared’s father – and definitely not in his own home over the dinner table.

 

“Oh,” Jared’s father finally said. “So you believe that your actions would in no way influence my son, who seems to see you as some sort of role model?”

 

Jensen laughed – actually _laughed_ – at Jared’s father. “While I’m flattered at being called anyone’s role model – Jared is a smart young man. He’s well aware that I made a stupid mistake, one that could have cost me my life. I’m entirely confident that this action of mine will not be detrimental to him in any way.”

 

Jared’s eyebrows shot up.

 

Megan and their mom were stunned to silence, it seemed.

 

“Then you don’t seem to know my son very well,” Jared’s father answered sharply after a moment.

 

Jensen set his fork down with a clatter. “With all due respect Sir, do _you_ know your son very well?”

 

Jared’s father gaped, his mouth moving with no sound coming out. At the same moment Jared’s mother gasped softly.

 

Sensing that this was going to turn into a fight he didn’t want to deal with, Jared tugged Jensen’s shirt. “Jensen – come on, stop—“

 

“No, Jared,” Jensen said firmly, “I may only be your piano teacher, but damnit if he doesn’t give you enough credit. Your son is so smart, Sir, and hugely talented, but you seem to write him off just because of his rebellious streak. I may be in no position to speak, but –“

 

“You most certainly are not,” Jared’s father said in a loud voice. “And if you value your job as his teacher, I suggest you don’t speak another word on this topic.”

 

Jensen’s jaw clenched and Jared could see that muscle twitching – a sure sign of Jensen’s barely contained fury.

 

“As you wish, Sir,” He finally said in a low tone, looking back down at his plate. He cleared his throat. “It’s getting pretty late; I think I’ll head home. Thank you all for dinner.” He rose and Jared rose with him.

 

“I’ll walk you out.”

 

“You don’t need to do that, Jay. Finish your dinner,” Jensen said but Jared shook his head.

 

“I’m done. Come on.” He turned, leaving the dining room with Jensen.

 

Neither spoke until they were at Jensen’s car.

 

“You didn’t need to do that,” He said softly.

 

“Someone had to. He treats you like crap and you don’t deserve it. You’re such a good kid.” He set his hand on Jared’s shoulder.

 

“I’m not a kid,” Jared muttered, pulling his shoulder back. Jensen smiled softly.

 

“No, you’re not. You’re a talented, beautiful young man. And I’m proud to be your friend.”

 

Jared smiled softly, flushing red. “Can I hug you?”

 

Jensen pulled Jared close in a one armed hug, kissing his forehead. “I’ll see you on Sunday, okay?”

 

“Okay,” Jared whispered, stepping back. “You know; you can call me if you want to talk ever.”

 

Jensen’s mouth quirked into a smile. “Yeah maybe. Goodnight, Jay.” He climbed into his car, driving through the gate.

 

Jared watched until he was gone, then went back to the dining room. He sat down slowly, moving his food around the plate and taking in the heavy silence in the room.

 

Toward the end of dinner, Megan spoke up, “You know he’s in love with you.”

 

“Shut it, Megan. You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

 

She snorted. “I know no _instructor_ would talk like that and risk his job if he wasn’t emotionally invested.”

 

Jared could feel all eyes on him as he stared Megan down. “You’re right. He is emotionally invested. As my _friend_. Nothing. More.”

 

Megan rolled her eyes. “Whatever. Denial.”

 

Jared slammed his fork down. “I’m going to my room,” He snapped, storming out and to his room before anyone could argue.


	7. I Hate You

Weeks passed uneventfully. Jensen avoided talking about the accident or the fact that his left hand still didn’t move correctly even after a month. Instead, they focused on Jared’s music and his day-to-day life. It felt like things were finally getting back to normal with them. That was, until six weeks after the accident. It was a Friday night when the maid rushed the phone to Jared in his room.

 

“It’s your piano teacher, he sounds ill,” She said before removing herself quietly from the room.

 

“Jen?”

 

 _“Jay,”_ Jensen’s voice broke, _“My life is over.”_

 

Jared scowled at that. “What do you mean? What happened?”

 

_“I—I got my cast off today.”_

 

“That’s great!”

 

_“No. No it’s not. It’s the worst thing that could have happened.”_

 

“Jensen, I need you to give me a little more than that. Do you wanna come over and talk?”

 

_“Your parents—“_

 

“Are out of town for the weekend looking at colleges with my brother and sister. I’m home alone, ‘cept the maid. You sound like you need a friend.”

 

Jensen was silent for a few moments, sniffling a little.

 

_“I’ll be over in fifteen.”_

 

“Come in through the back. We can sit by the pool and talk.”

 

 _“Sounds good. Bye.”_ Jensen hung up, leaving Jared to scowl confusedly at the phone.

 

*

 

Jensen slipped in through the back gate as Jared had requested. Even in the dim glow of the evening lights and the moonlight Jared could see that Jensen looked haggard. He was wearing a hoodie a size too big rather than his normal leather jacket and a baseball cap.

 

He approached Jared, who’d been hanging his bare feet in the pool. “Hey you.”

 

Jared smiled adoringly. “Hey yourself. Come sit – tell me what’s up.”

 

Jensen sat, curling his knees up and resting his chin on them. His hands were stuffed in the hoodie pocket.

 

Jared nudged him after a moment. “Brooding dark types make me pretty hot under the collar, but you’re hotter when you speak.”

 

Jensen laughed without much humor before speaking, “I uh—like I said. I got my cast off today. The news—it’s not good. I’ve been sitting on it all day, um…” Jensen’s voice broke and he looked down.

 

“Hey, what’d they say?” Jared worried, setting his hand on Jensen’s shoulder.

 

“My career is over, Jared. The surgery it—it didn’t fix my hands right; I can’t play anymore.”

 

The silence stretched on, Jared too stunned to speak, Jensen too numb.

 

“I—I just wanted to tell you in person so I didn’t just stop showing up one day. You deserve to know,” Jensen finally whispered, shifting to rise.

 

Jared reached over, grabbing his forearm before pulling his hands from his hoodie pocket. He held them gently, running his thumbs over the now curved and scarred fingers that used to play so beautifully.

 

“You’re not going to give up on me, Jen. Or on yourself. Nothing can stop you from doing what you want. We’ll fix this.”

 

Jensen pulled his hands out of Jared’s grip.

  
“Don’t, Jared. IT’s over. I just—I gotta move on.”

 

“No. I won’t accept that. And you shouldn’t either. It’ll take time but we’ll practice. I’ll be _your_ teacher.”

 

“Your dad will never allow that.”

 

“My dad doesn’t have to know does he?” Jared asked softly, his heart skipping a beat when their eyes met. He watched Jensen’s gaze draw down to his lips, and licked them instinctively.

 

Jensen’s pupils dilated, his breath catching audibly. He shook himself like he’d had a shiver and met Jared’s eyes again.

  
“We’ll give it a shot. But if it doesn’t work, you can’t start a fight with your dad over it. Even if I’m not your piano teacher, we can still be friends.”

 

Jared’s mouth curved into a sly smirk. He reached out, running his fingers over Jensen’s hand. “If we were just friends,” he began, his hand moving up, tips of his fingers brushing the zipper fold of Jensen’s jeans.

  
Jensen grabbed his hand quickly, lifting it and pressing a chaste kiss to the palm. “If we were just friends your father could still have me arrested for even _thinking_ about you like that.”

 

“Do you? Think about me like that?”

  
Jensen smiled softly – a real smile; his first of the night. “Almost every day.”

  
A tight knot of need clenched Jared’s stomach. Sensing the shift in their conversation, Jensen took a breath. “I better go.”

 

“You don’t have to. I can control myself, and you need a friend right now.”

 

“It’s not you that’ll lose control, Jared. It’s me. Especially since I know your family is gone. I’ll call when I get back to my place.” He kissed Jared’s forehead before rising and slipping out of the yard.

 

*

 

“You _can_ do this. Lemme help,” Jared said softly. He rose, placing Jensen’s hands back on the keys.

 

It was their first lesson since the cast had been removed and it was clear Jensen was having a tough time adjusting.

 

“I can’t do this,” Jensen disagreed as his fingers locked up again.

 

Jared sat down and took Jensen’s hands massaging the knotted muscles gently. “You can too,” He repeated. “You’re too strong to quit.”

 

Jensen smiled softly. “You know your dad is gonna want an update. Next week is the two-month deadline he gave me.”

 

“You can still teach me to play without playing yourself,” Jared said softly, still working out some of the knots.

 

“Yeah, that’ll fly with your dad.”

 

“I’ll try to talk to him. But until then, can’t we just enjoy this?”

 

Jensen smiled a little, turning his hand palm up and squeezing Jared’s hand lightly. “Why couldn’t I have met you two years from now?”

 

“Because two years from now you’ll be some famous pianist touring the world with a beautiful blonde boy on your arm,” Jared joked.

  
“Ah, I’m more into brunettes,” Jensen responded. His tongue darted out to wet his lips in a way that made Jared ache all over.

 

“Good for me,” He whispered, his eyes on Jensen’s mouth. It wasn’t going to happen – ever – but God it was nice to fantasize.

 

Jensen cleared his throat after a moment, looking back down. “We only have a few more minutes, wanna try this piece again?”

 

Jared grinned. “Sure.” He turned back to the piano, leaning to help guide Jensen.

 

* 

 

Jared paced around his room, waiting for the phone to ring. Every evening since Sunday Jensen had called. They talked for hours usually, provided Jared was finished with his homework. Their conversations ranged from high school to college, Jensen’s physical therapy, even basic things like new movies and CD’s. Jared loved those hours. It felt like no matter what was going on – family, bullies – none of it mattered when he and Jensen talked.

 

The phone finally rang and Jared snagged it before one of the maids could.

 

“Hello?”

 

_“Hey Jay. Homework done?”_

 

“Yeah, finished up an hour ago. Weill you be in for our lesson tomorrow?”

 

_“Yeah, but I wanted to talk to you about that actually.”_

 

Jared sat down on his bed. “Sounds serious, what’s up?”

 

_“Your dad called me today.”_

 

“My dad? About what?”

 

Jensen was quite for a moment. When he spoke again, Jared could hear the strain in his voice.

 

_“He got ahold of my medical records somehow. He knows how bad my hands really are. Tomorrow’s my last lesson with you. He’s let me go.”_

 

“What? No! I won’t let him,” Jared said, panic rising like a fire in his throat.

 

_“Hey, it’s okay. We can still be friends, even if I’m not your instructor.”_

 

“Yeah right, how long will that last?” Jared muttered.

 

_“What? Come on, you don’t think I’m that type of guy do you? To ditch you because we’re not forced to be together? You know me better than that.”_

 

Jared laughed scornfully. “I know you’re a grown man going to college who’ll be moving on with a career the day I graduate high school. I know we can’t ever be together – my dad is just as likely to kill you as he is to report you as a sexual predator. And I know my dad will start asking questions if my twenty-something ex-piano instructor is still hanging around when he doesn’t have to. He’s already gotten it in his head that I’m some kind of freak and wants to send me to a straight camp, I—I can’t put that on you.”

 

Jensen sighed softly. _“So what do you wanna do?”_

 

“I’ll talk to my dad. Monday he’s taking me to get some supplies for a class project – I’ll see if I can get through to him then.”

 

_“What will you say?”_

 

“Still working on that.”

 

* 

 

Jared shifted in his seat, looking out the passenger side window. He’d been struggling with how to bring up Jensen to his father all day. Now they were headed back to the house; it was his last change.

 

“Dad, did you see my grade report?” He began slowly.

 

“I did.”

 

“So you saw I only got one B. The rest were A’s.”

 

“Mhm.”

 

Jared sighed, “Well, I’ve been thinking. I think the piano lessons have helped. Like, I finish my homework faster because I wanna practice.”

 

“Great, I’m glad they’re having a positive effect on you.” We’ll find you a new instructor as quickly as we can.”

 

“That’s just it, Dad. _Jensen_ has helped. Him and I really clicked and I’d like to keep learning under him.”

 

Jared saw his father’s scowl deepen. “He ruined his chances of playing, Jared. He brought this on himself. We’ll find you a better instructor.”

 

“But he’s betting _better_ , Dad. And he can teach me without being able to play himself. And I’m helping him! Plus, he’s—“

 

“Stop arguing with me, Jared!” His father snapped, looking over at him. “I’m not paying him to be taught by you. I’m not a fool, Jared. I know what’s going on. You didn’t think I didn’t see? Didn’t put the pieces together?”

  
“What the hell are you talking about?”

 

His father glanced over again. “Watch your language. And you know what I’m talking about. You and that man. I saw the looks between you two at the dinner table, and I’ve seen that way you two touch each other.”

 

Jared glared. “you’ve got no clue what you’re implying.”

 

“Oh yes I do. And you know I won’t allow that in my house. He isn’t coming back. In fact, I don’t want him around you at all.”

 

“That isn’t fair! He’s my friend!” Jared shouted, turning to face his father.

 

“He’s a pervert trying to seduce you. He’s lucky I don’t go after him for propositioning a minor.”

  
“Jesus Christ, Dad! He never _propositioned_ me. We’re just friends! Sure, you’re right, I have a crush on him, but that’s _all_ it is. God, he’s a grown man. A _decent_ man. I’d be _honored_ to get with a guy like him, but he’s not interested in me like that. You should be more sure of your assumptions before you try to slander someone like that.”

 

“And you don’t fool me for a damn second, Jared,” His father said with an eerie calmness. He met Jared’s gaze. “You’re lucky I don’t send you away after this stunt. He is _not_ coming back.” He continued to stare Jared down, trying to intimidate him.

 

Jared crossed his arms. “I fucking hate you, Dad.” He turned forward again just in time to see that, in their argument, his father had swerved into oncoming traffic – and directly into the line of a truck.

 

“Dad look out!” Jared screamed.

 

The last thing he heard before the world went black was the sharp crunch of metal and his father screaming his name.


	8. Fix It

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys PLEASE heed the tags for this chapter. New ones have been added for your own safety. Please PLEASE be aware that this chapter has some heavy stuff in it, and it might not be the chapter for everyone. Be safe guys.

It was the steady beeping that woke Jared from his sleep. He was irritated; he’d been having an excellent dream about Jensen and a piano and a pair of silk panties. Had he left his radio on? That was an odd noise for a radio to make…

 

The bright white hospital room assaulted Jared’s pupils as soon as he opened his eyes. He tried to shield his face from the light, but his arms felt like they weighed a hundred pounds each.

 

Also, holy crap his ribs hurt. His neck, back, - _everything_ hurt.

 

“Jared! You’re awake,” A woman’s voice made him cringe. He looked over to see a young nurse, smiling at him in the doorway.

 

“What happened?” He croaked. God, it sounded like he hadn’t talked in a month.

 

“Let me just get the doctor,” She said, rushing out.

 

Jared scowled, looking down at himself in the hospital bed. His arms and hands were scratched up, but it looked like he was in one piece.

 

The doctor entered, smiling warmly. “Jared, I’m Dr. Bates. How are you feeling?”

 

“Tired. Sore. Confused.”

 

“Understandable. You were in a car accident – do you remember that?”

 

Jared scowled. Dr. Bates began to check his vitals, letting him think. A fight with his father, the car swerving, a truck—

 

“My dad! Is my dad okay?” Dr. Bates’ face darkened a little.

 

“Your mother is waiting to see you. Should I call her in?”

 

Jared grabbed his arm. “Is. My. Father. Okay?”

 

Dr. Bates sighed softly. “The car was struck head on. You’re lucky you escaped with only a concussion. Your dad – he was pinned in the car when it flipped. He lsot a lot of blood. We tried, but— He passed away last night.”

 

Jared shut his eyes tightly, his throat closing. His nose burned as he fought off tears.

 

_“I fucking hate you, Dad.”_

 

His father was dead, and the last thing Jared had said to him was that he hated him.

  
The words echoed in his brain like cathedral bells, rolling his stomach.

 

“I’ll get your mom,” Dr. Bates said, leaving Jared alone with his thoughts.

 

His mother entered the room a few minutes later, her eyes red rimmed. His brother and sister followed after.

 

Megan was still crying softly, Jeff holding her close, his expression as blank as stone.

 

“Hey Mom,” Jared croaked.

 

“What happened?” She asked softly, and Jared felt his heart stutter.

 

“A crash – Didn’t they tell you? A truck hit us, we—“

 

“I know that part, Jared. But your father, he didn’t drive unsafe. He wouldn’t have swerved unless something else was going on. So what happened?”

 

Jared looked away, guilt making him cold all over. “We were fighting. I—He was looking at me and he swerved, by the time he noticed – I guess it was too late.”

 

“You caused the accident?” Megan cried, her eyes bulging. “You made him wreck!”

 

“No, I—“

 

“You picked a fight on the highway. Jesus!” She turned and rushed out, tears renewed. Jeff followed, throwing a glare at Jared.

 

“Mom, please. It wasn’t my fault, it was an accident, I—“

 

“It is your fault, Jared,” She said, her voice thick with tears. “No matter how you look at it… You caused that accident. I can’t believe you.”

 

“Mom, I—“

 

“I don’t want to hear it. The doctor says you’re free to go. Here’s your clothes, I’m leaving in ten minutes whether you’re ready or not. I have a funeral to plan.” She tossed a backpack on Jared’s lap.

 

“Mom, please.”

 

“I can’t even look at you, Jared. Stop speaking.” She turned and walked out.

 

Tears fell from Jared’s eyes as he dressed. He knew they were right. He’d caused the accident. He’d killed his father. They were right to hate him.

 

He walked slowly into the waiting room, ignoring the nurse’s plea that he use a wheelchair. Even with his head lowered, he could feel his family staring.

 

Jeff rose first, bumping him. “I’m driving. How about you don’t wreck me too, huh?” He growled.

 

“Maybe he should. Probably wouldn’t survive another concussion,” Megan sneered, still sniffling. His mother simply ignored Jared as she walked past.

 

Jared knew a lot of what they were saying was due to anger and grief but dammit, he’d lost his father too. Even if they weren’t close – it was still his _dad._

 

He wanted to call Jensen. God, Jensen. That had been the cause of the fight. The cause of his father’s death. A fight over a fucking boy.

  
Jared pushed all thoughts of Jensen out of his brain as he climbed into the backseat.

 

The drive home was silent, save for Megan’s sniffling. Once inside the house, Jared went up to his room, halfway sure he didn’t want to ever leave it again.

 

**

 

Upon returning to school, Jared received the appropriate condolences from his classmates, but it was clear no one really knew what to say to him, so they said nothing.

 

Jared’s distance from his friends only paralleled the distance from his family. They hadn’t forgiven him, and seemed to ignore his presence completely when he was in the room.

 

It only took a week of the silent treatment during mealtimes for Jared to stop attending them completely. The maid brought his meals up to his room, where he stayed unless he was in class.

 

By the end of the third week, Jared was completely lost. He was alone, which didn’t bode too well when all he seemed to be able to think about was the crash, the last thing he’d said to his father. Though he’d wanted to, he hadn’t spoken to Jensen.

 

His father’s funeral was on Tuesday of the fourth week. Jared went, but remained mostly invisible. The condolences went to the grieving widow, and the golden children who lost their loving father.

  
Though no one knew about the cause of the accident save for his immediate family Jared felt like they all blamed him. He was the troublemaker and he’d been the only other person in the car during the crash. No matter how they looked at it – It was Jared’s fault.

 

After the reception, Jared sat in his room. He spent time looking at the few photos he owned of his father and himself. They looked so happy, but they’d been taken so long ago. Taken before Jared grew up, before he started arguing, before he became the bad kid.

 

Jeff had spoken to Jared at the reception. It was the first thing any member of his family had said to him in a month, since the day he left the hospital with them. It was one simple sentence, whispered in his ear as they rose to leave,

 

“I wish you had died instead.”

 

Those words, mingled with the last words he said to his father, and every other hurtful thing he’d said or done to his family over the years marinated in Jared’s brain for the rest of the week. By Friday, it was too much.

 

They were right – he was a burden to everyone. Everyone would be better off if he was gone. No one would miss him anyways, and he wouldn’t be able to hurt anyone anymore.

 

Too heavy. Everything was too heavy. Jared couldn’t take it anymore. But he knew just how to fix it.

 

It would be better for everyone. That was the only thought in Jared’s mind as he took apart the razor with shaking hands.

  
He could hear the phone ringing but was too hyper focused on his task to care. No one called him anyway, not anymore.

 

But none of that would matter soon. Nothing would. He was doing the right thing. Maybe they’d forgive him. They probably wouldn’t, but it wouldn’t matter. It’d be over. It’d be over and it would be better.


	9. Will You Accept?

Jensen hung up after the third ignored phone call to the Padalecki household. The newspaper was spread open on the table in front of him, turned to Jared’s father’s obituary. He was beginning to panic – this had happened a month ago, and he hadn’t heard from Jared since. Making a snap decision, he grabbed his jacket and rushed from the house.

 

Jensen snuck in through the back and climbed the trellis to Jared’s window. On a whim one evening, Jared had shown him it – an easy way to get into his room in case he needed it for whatever reason. Though the initial comment had been loaded with innuendo, it was the furthest thought from Jensen’s mind at the moment.

 

Something was wrong. Jensen could feel it in his stomach. He cursed his damaged hands for the hundredth time as he struggled up the trellis, using his forearms and legs to hoist himself up toward Jared’s darkened room.

  
The pit in his stomach grew when no response came to his knock on the window.

  
Fighting past the cramping and pain in his hands, Jensen pushed the window open and hoisted himself into the room.  
  
The sour smell of copper hit him right away. He squinted in the darkness.

 

“Jared?” He called when he saw a lump on the bed. He fumbled his way to the desk, flipping on the lamp and bathing the room in a yellow light.

 

The sight on the bed forced the pit of worry in his stomach to rise, liquid acid in his throat.

 

Jared was lying on the bed, face up. His arms were spread eagle, blood seeping lazily from two identical cuts from his wrists up almost to his elbows. The pale blue sheets were already soaked in blood, turning them a wet jet black that highlighted Jared’s pale skin, normally tanned.

 

Time slowed to a deafening crawl as Jensen ran to the bed. He scooped Jared up, feeling for a pulse. Someone was screaming. Him. His voice, sounding so far away, screaming for help. The faint pulse under his fingers, Jared’s slow blink with unfocused eyes, only served to increase Jensen’s shouting.

 

He gave Jared’s shoulders a little shake. “Don’t you dare! Don’t you do this, Jared. Help! Somebody help me!” He scrambled to wrap the gashes in anything he could find.

 

“Jensen?” Jared’s voice was so soft Jensen almost didn’t hear him over his own hollering. He looked down, brushing hair from Jared’s forehead.

 

“You stay with me, baby boy. You can’t fucking leave, not like this! Somebody fucking help!”

 

He searched for a phone, pressing tight against Jared’s arms. Finding nothing, he swore.

 

“J—Jensen,” Jared wheezed, “I’m cold. I—I w—wanted to – to make everyone h—happy.”

 

“Shh, I got you, Jay. You just stay with me.”

 

He held Jared closer, wiggling out of his jacket. With shaking hands, Jensen laid the jacket over Jared, partially to put pressure on the cuts, but also tow arm him as best he could. Hoarse already, Jensen opened his mouth to scream again just as the bedroom door opened.

 

The maid rushed in, gasping and stumbling back at the sight on the bed.

 

“Call 9-1-1!” Jensen barked, relieved that she immediately rushed out. He heard her frantic voice moments later, talking to someone on the phone.

 

“We have help coming, Jared, you stay with me!” Jensen said, shaking Jared again as his eyes slipped shut.

 

It felt like hours before the paramedics arrived. Jensen know, in the back of his mind, that it was only a few minutes, but the pressing knowledge that every second could be Jared’s last took over all rational thought.

 

Jensen answered as many of the medics questions as he could, not leaving Jared’s side, even when they moved him to the gurney.

 

One of the EMT’s attempted to hold him back from following Jared down the stairs and almost got punched for his trouble.

 

“I’m _not_ leaving him,” Was all Jensen spat before following. In the hallway, one EMT was talking to a clearly sleepy Mrs. Padalecki. If Jensen had to guess she’d either taken pills or drank herself to sleep – probably both from the looks of her.

 

Jeff and Megan were standing by the foot of the stairs, watching with blank expressions as Jared was wheeled out.

 

Megan glared when she saw Jensen covered in Jared’s blood.

 

“What are _you_ doing here?”

 

“Obviously saving Jared’s life.” Jensen turned, heading outside when Jeff spoke, not intending him to hear.

 

“Good riddance if he doesn’t make it.”

  
Jensen whipped around, drawing back his fist – pain be damned – and landing a punch to Jeff’s jaw. He went forward when Jeff stumbled back, intending to beat the crap out of him if he could.

 

But the EMT’s were quicker and bigger. One grabbed Jensen around the waist, holding him back despite his struggle. Another grabbed Jeff, who screamed,

 

“It’s all his fault our dad’s dead! I hope he _doesn’t_ make it!”

 

Jensen’s struggling increased, but the EMT held fast. He spoke softly to Jensen,

 

“He’s not worth it. You’ll do Jared no good if you wind up in jail. That kid should be dead, but _you_ made him hold on. Get in the ambulance, now.”

 

He freed Jensen, who tugged his shirt down and stormed out.

 

Jared looked beyond death the entire ride to the hospital. Skin paper white, lips blue, if it wasn’t for the flutter of Jared’s eyes every few moments Jensen would have given up hope. The medic passed him his blood-soaked jacket with a sympathetic smile that made Jensen want to scream.

 

Once inside the hospital, it took two nurses to hold him back as they rushed Jared into the operating room.

 

“We’ll take care of him,” One assured him.

 

He closed his eyes, the shock of the evening hitting him full force as the other nurse passed him a clipboard and asked him to fill out as much as he could. Jensen crumpled into a chair, shaking and biting back tears. Jared could have died. Jared could _still_ die.

 

Jensen sent up a silent prayer to anyone listening as he filled out the paperwork. _‘Please, please don’t let him die. Please let him pull through.’_

 

**

 

Jensen didn’t really remember the rest of the evening. At one point a police officer showed up, asking him who he was, what had happened, and why he was at the house so late. He knew he answered to the cop’s satisfaction, but couldn’t quite remember what those answers were.

 

He vaguely remembered a nurse offering him clean clothes and turning them down – Jared wasn’t contagious, what did it matter?

 

One of the EMT’s that had helped Jared sat with him a while; he remembered that conversation pretty well. The man’s girlfriend had tried to end her life and nearly succeeded because he wasn’t home. He told Jensen that Jared was lucky to have a friend like him, and Jensen cried for half an hour.

 

A nurse came through and made Jensen eat something, promising that they were doing everything they could – but Jared had lost a lot of blood.

 

At some point, Jensen thought he may have fallen asleep, but didn’t feel rested when the doctor shook him awake early in the morning.

 

Regardless of his exhaustion, Jensen sat upright, giving the doctor his full attention.

 

“You came with Jared?” The doctor clarified.

 

“Yeah, is he okay?”

 

“Are you his brother?” He pressed.

 

“No, we’re just friends, His dad died, I went to his house to console him and found him like that. Please, is he okay?”

 

The doctor hesitated. “Because he’s underage, we really aren’t supposed to release any information to anyone but his family…”

 

“His family isn’t here. They don’t care. I do! _Please_.”

 

“He pulled through. But it’s still touch and go,” The doctor finally gave in.

 

Jensen collapsed back into the chair, all breath leaving him in rush. “Can I see him?” He whispered, looking up at the doctor through tear blurred eyes.

 

“I can’t—“

 

“Are you Mr. Padalecki’s doctor?” A voice asked from behind Jensen. He turned to see the police officer from before and a woman he’d never seen.

 

“I am.”

 

“I’m Officer Daniels, this is Claire Penchak, a worker from Child Protective Services. I’ve got a note here from Jared’s mother. She’s willing to sign over decision making for the duration of Jared’s stay in the hospital to CPS, and Claire is willing to give it to Jensen here.”

 

The doctor took the paper, scowling. “I’m curious as to why?”

 

“Mrs. Padalecki is in no state to care for a teenager as ill as Jared,” Claire filled in. “The family just lost the father to an accident that Jared was involved in – they’re all grieving. It was my professional opinion that she hand his care over to us temporarily, until he’s set up with the right places to care for him and she’s better able to handle caring for him. The officer came to me with Mr. Ackles name and explained that he was the one to find Jared and seemed to be a good candidate for temporary care.”

 

The doctor nodded, placing the paper in a folder. “Alright.”

 

“Does that mean I can go see him?” Jensen asked hopefully.

 

“He’s resting currently. You can go see him though, but I have some paperwork for you to sign.”

 

Claire spoke up, “Afterwards I’d like a word with you, Mr. Ackles. Perhaps when you head home we could meet--”

 

“I’m not leaving Jared,” Jensen cut her off quickly.

 

She smiled patiently. “I understand. But with Jared’s mental state, I don’t know that it would be good for him to see you as you are now.” She motioned to Jensen’s clothes.

  
He looked down, really noticing for the first time how bad he looked. His jeans and previously grey t-shirt were soaked with dried blood, hands and arms stained with it.

 

“I—I don’t want him to wake up alone,” He admitted in a whisper, looking back up at her.

 

“How about this,” She offered, “I’ll give you a ride to your place so you can change, and we can talk. One of the nurses will stay with Jared until you get back. They’ll want to keep a close eye on him anyway.”

 

Jensen nodded. “Okay. Okay, yeah, as long as we’re quick.” He grabbed his coat and followed her out.

 

It took a moment for Claire to speak once they were driving toward Jensen’s place. And what she asked floored him.

 

“Do you believe, honestly, that you could care for Jared if it came down to it?”

 

“I’m sorry, what?” Jensen sputtered. Claire only smiled.

 

“Sorry, that came out of the blue. Honestly, I don’t know if he’ll be okay going back to his family once he’s out of the hospital.”

 

“I know he won’t,” Jensen muttered.

 

“Oh?”

 

He looked over at her guiltily then sighed. “I’ll level with you. His family treated him like crap before and this accident with his dad – I think that’s what sent him over the edge.”

 

“Have you spoken to Jared about it?”

 

“No, that’s why I went over last night, to see if he was okay. I found him—you know. He hasn’t spoken to me for a month.”

 

“Why not?”

 

Jensen explained their friendship to her, including the accident that ruined his hands. He omitted the crush of course – if she was considering him for a guardian that’s the _last_ thing she needed to know about.

 

“Anyway, he said he was gonna talk to his dad on Monday, the day of the accident. If I had to guess, based on what his brother said, that argument might have had something to do with the crash.”

 

“What did the brother say?”

 

“That it was Jared’s fault their dad died, and good riddance if he didn’t make it.”

 

“Oh my…”

 

“The paramedics that came to get Jay were there, if you need them to back up my story.”

 

“No, no. I believe you. His brother did seem somewhat unconcerned with Jared’s condition when I was visiting them. Do you mind if I come upstairs?” She asked when she parked in front of the building.

 

“No problem. My dog’ll probably bark at you, but she’s harmless. You’ll have to excuse the mess – single college student, you know how it is,” He explained as he led her to his door.

 

“So you live alone?” She asked, watching him wrangle a medium sized brown mutt backwards into the apartment.

 

“Yeah, just me and Lola.” He stood, shucking off his coat. “Make yourself at home, I’m gonna change,” He offered, padding into the bedroom.

 

Claire wandered a little, checking out the apartment. “One bedroom?” She clarified.

 

“Uh-huh. Can’t really afford more,” Jensen called from the bedroom.

 

“You know you never answered my question.”

 

“Your question?” Jensen came out, zipping up a clean pair of jeans.

 

“If you’d be willing to care for Jared temporarily, after he’s permitted to leave the hospital.”

 

Jensen hesitated before walking to the kitchen. He poured fresh food into the dog’s bowl by the refrigerator. Turning on the water, he washed his hands and arms before beginning to wash the bloodstains out of the lining on his jacket. He finally answered, not taking his eyes off the coat.

 

“Would I have to adopt him? Like – become his dad? Because me and him don’t really –“

 

“Oh God, no. Of course not. This would all be very casual, he’d stay with you only as long as we, and he, felt it was necessary for his well-being. Essentially just until the initial grieving stage has passed and his mother can get back to being able to care for him.”

 

Jensen’s jaw twitched, his face drawing into a deeper scowl. “And if that never happens? If I can be frank, I don’t think that family will ever be good for Jay.”

 

“If it gets to that point we can place Jared with a foster family, if you didn’t want the responsibility.”

 

Jared turned, leaning his hip on the sink and facing Claire.

 

“Does Jared get a say in all this? I’m not gonna force him to live with me if he doesn’t want to. Me and him are friends and all, and I care for the guy, but I don’t know if he wants to be _that_ close to me.”

 

“Of course. But if he were willing to, are you confident you can care for him?”

 

Jensen looked at his feet, thinking. “Yeah. I’d say yes. He’s a good guy, I can’t stand to think about him going out that way.”

 

She nodded. “Alright. I’ll drop you back off at the hospital. When he wakes up, the nurses have been told to let me know so I can come by and talk to him about all this.”

 

Jensen nodded. “Hey, listen, what... What can you do to help him?” He asked, looking at her for a long moment.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“I mean, getting him out of that place is great, but Jared’s sick. I don’t wanna see him go to an institution or anything, but he might need more help than I can offer.”

 

“We’ll talk to him, of course, but I have a list of good therapists, and of course we’d work with you, and with his school, to set up healthy living and school situations for him.”

 

Jensen nodded. “Alright, I don’t wanna leave him any longer.” He scratched Lola’s head before walking out with Claire.


	10. Decisions

Once Jensen got into Jared’s hospital room, exhaustion smacked into him like a truck.  He managed to pull up a chair next to Jared’s bed, resting his head on the mattress near his shoulder before sleep overtook him.

The past three months haven’t been kind to Jensen’s mind or body.  He’d never mentioned it to Jared – or anyone really, but ruining his hands had put him into a tailspin. He began drinking, often spending an entire night nursing a bottle purchased with a fake ID.  The only real high points to his week were times with Jared, and time spent at his second job– working at a small music store near his campus.

 

 Even in these two events were tinged with sadness.

 

Jared, of course was one of the worst. He had it bad for the young man– worse than any crush before.  It wasn’t a crush, of course. Deep down Jensen knew that.  He’d gone and fallen in love with someone he couldn’t have. It hurt– he knew Jared was willing and God, he wanted it too, but he knew what would happen. Jared was young. Settling down, starting a life, that was what Jensen wanted–but he’d never expect that of Jared. The guy had his whole life ahead of him; Jensen wasn’t about to do something that Jared would regret afterwards.

 

To make things worse, one of Jensen’s coworkers at the music store was interested in him, had even asked him to dinner a few times. But whenever Jensen even considered looking at dating the guy, all he could see was Jared. Every word was a comparison – he couldn’t saddle someone so nice with that either.

 

After the cast had been removed and Jensen had learned he probably wouldn’t be able to play again, things had only gotten worse. A few times he’d considered ending it, usually late night when he’d had too much to drink. But he’d fought it.

 

He had a loving family, a few good friends, and Jared. Ever the hopeful one, Jared had helped Jensen see a light at the end of the awful tunnel.

 

He’d spent the month they didn’t speak working. Every day he fought through the pain, forcing himself to play, even when his hands screamed for stillness and his mind promised he’d never fix them. Despite all the odds, he’d gotten better. Not much, but it was a slight improvement, and that was a start. That was enough.

 

But now, how would this work? Keeping a level head was hard enough only seeing Jared once or twice a week but _living_ with him? Taking care of him? The thought terrified Jensen to his deepest foundations.

 

On the flip side, Jared couldn’t go back to that family. On a _good_ day they still treated him like trash. He wouldn’t make it another two months, let alone two full years in that toxic environment.

 

Jensen knew he’d be able to handle the basic responsibility, getting Jared to school, feeding him – it was the other part; the animal side of him that wanted nothing more than to have Jared a quivering mess under him. How long before he gave into that side?

 

 Moreover, would Jared _want_ to stay with him? Only time would tell.  Once Jared woke– if he woke – he’d be able to tell them what he wanted, and Jensen knew he’d listen, no matter what Jared decided.

 

**

 

Jensen was sleeping, hunched over the bed when Jared woke the following evening. In his sleep he’d loosely grabbed Jared’s hand.

 

“Jensen?” Jared croaked, startling him awake.  He rubbed sleep from his eyes, pulling his hand out of Jared’s.

 

“Jay, you’re up. How are you feeling?”  He asked softly.

 

“Sore –– you saved me…”

 

”Of course I did. Couldn’t let you leave like that.” Jensen reached out, brushing Jared’s hair from his face.

 

“I wish you hadn’t done that,” Jared admitted, looking anywhere but at Jensen.

 

”Why’d you do it? Why do you want to die so bad, Jay?”

 

”Why should I want to live? It was my fault you wrecked and ruined your hands. It’s my fault my dad died. My family hates me, my friends pity me… I have zero to live for.” Jared rambled, looking over at Jensen.

 

His eyes were wide, the kaleidoscope irises wet with unshed tears.

 

”Hey, hey–– Jared, don’t do that to yourself. My motorcycle accident was my own fault. I was drinking, I was stupid. Don’t blame yourself, please. Plus, _you_ gave me the motivation to get better.  And I have. This whole month I’ve been working on it and I’ve been thinking of how it’d make you smile, how happy you’d be. And your dad––as sorry as I am for your loss, you didn’t cause that accident.”

 

”Yeah, I did.  I was arguing with him over keeping you as my piano teacher.”

 

”So? Did you grab the wheel and put the car into oncoming traffic? No. I get why you feel that way, but it is _not_ your fault.”

 

“Well everyone in my life thinks it is,” Jared’s tone was hurt, and stubborn.

 

"I don't," Jensen argued simply.

 

“You’re not in my life anymore, Jensen.  I – I can't let myself care about you."

 

Jensen was cut to the core. He looked at his knees, letting his posture relax back into the seat and away from Jared.

 

“Is that really what you want? Me to not be in your life?”

 

 Jared looked out the window. ”I wish you hadn’t saved me.”

 

 “Answer my question.”

 

“Yes, okay?  I can’t have you in my life. I messed everything up, and you are why my family wants me dead!  Because of you I couldn’t even do that right!”

 

The words fell like knives on Jensen’s ears, and that all too familiar acid rose in his throat again. He’d tried to do the right thing–– tried to fix it – and only succeeded in making it worse.

 

He could feel Jared looking at him; those curious eyes that appeared in every dream he’d had for the past five months. But he couldn’t look up. He wouldn’t let Jared see the tears in his eyes. Better to think Jensen was angry than to let Jared know he’d hurt him; he didn’t need that guilt.

 

Instead, he leaned forward and pressed the call button for the nurse before rising and walking to look out the window. It looked like it might drizzle – it was so close to Christmas… How would Christmas be in the Padalecki household, Jensen wondered. Would Jared even live to see that holiday?

 

He heard the nurse enter and began talking to Jared so he turned, leaning on the windowsill to watch. Jared was giving blunt, one word responses, his eyes on Jensen. He was trying to read him, Jensen figured. Maybe figure out if Jensen was going to hang around or not.

 

If he was honest, Jensen didn’t even know if he was going to hang around. If Jared was being honest and didn’t want Jensen around, what good was he doing by staying?

 

He made the decision to wait until Claire arrived. He owed it to her to explain the situation before leaving.

  
He only hoped he didn’t have to wait too long. He hated how Jared was looking at him, and all he wanted to do was find a corner and cry like a child.

 

**

Small miracles, it only took Claire an hour to show up. Of course it was probably the most awkward hour of Jensen’s life – Jared wouldn’t stop watching him and Jensen didn’t want to say anything that would set Jared off again. So he chose to say nothing at all.

 

“Hey Jared, how are you doing?” Claire asked kindly from the doorway.

 

”Pretty pissed. Who are you?” Jared snapped, eyeing her warily.

 

“My name is Claire. I'm from Child Protective Services. I – –"

 

“I’m not a child.”

 

“Of course not. But they still send us in for anyone under eighteen. Has Jensen spoken to you about me?” She asked, still kind despite Jared’s aggression.

 

”I haven’t. Look, you and I gotta talk privately a minute.”

 

She frowned, seeming to notice Jensen’s haggard face for the first time. “Alright…”

 

Jensen was headed out the door when Jared spoke. “Is this about me? If it is I want to hear it,” He snapped. Jensen sighed.

 

“Fine.” He turned to Claire. ”I can’t take him in. I know I said I would, I’d be proud to, but –– he doesn’t want me around. You need to find another person. An aunt or someone–– I won’t be any good to him if I force him into the situation he’s miserable in.”

 

Claire frowned deeper. She looked to Jared, making her expression gentle. “Is there any reason why you don’t want Jensen around?”

 

Jared’s jaw clenched and he looked out the window, saying nothing. After a moment he spoke, ”Why’s he gotta take me in? My family decide I’m too much trouble?”

 

She sighed, looking between Jared and Jensen for a moment. She set her hand on Jensen’s arm.

 

“Why don’t you go get a coffee or something? You look exhausted. Let me talk to Jared in private.”

 

“Yeah, no problem,” Jensen whispered.

 

“Come back in about fifteen maybe?”

 

Jensen spared a glance toward Jared. “Might be better if I don’t. I’m just making it worse. I want Jay to get better and if that means me getting out of his hair, I’ll do it. As long as he gets happy.”

 

She nodded. “I understand. But I’d like to talk to you regardless, maybe just wait in the cafeteria for me?”

 

“I can do that.” He looked to Jared again, and swore his heart broke even further.

 

**

 

Jensen was sitting in the most isolated corner of the cafeteria that he could find. His face was wet with tears, short fingernails biting into the Styrofoam of the coffee cup. It hurt: he hadn’t exercised his hands in a few days and all the movement and pressure on them lately was finally catching up to him.

 

He barely noticed Claire sit down across from him, too lost in his own thoughts.

 

“He’s a firecracker,” She finally said, pulling Jensen back to earth.

 

“He’s a good guy. He’s just hurt and sad… Scared. You shouldn’t take anything he says to heart. He’s really an amazing man,” Jensen defended.

 

“Neither should you.”

 

“Huh?”

 

“Take the cruel things he says to heart. He’s a sixteen-year-old boy who just lost his dad and the rest of his family is pretty hopeless. He loves you Jensen. He’s trying to push you away because he doesn’t want to hurt anyone - or himself - anymore.”

 

“He told you all that, huh?” Jensen muttered, finally wiping the tears from his face.

 

Claire smiled. “No. But what he did say was enough.”

 

“Oh yeah? What was that?”

 

Her smile turned knowing. “Confidential. But what I will say is that boy in there needs a family. He needs someone who’d do anything for him. That someone sounds an awful lot like you, Jensen.”

  
“Yeah, but he doesn’t _want_ me.”

 

“He wants you too much, you silly man. He wouldn’t come right out and say it, but I’ve seen enough teenagers to know what puppy love looks like.”

 

Jensen’s heart stopped for a second. He shut his eyes, taking a nervous breath. “So when do the cops come and arrest me?”

 

“For what?” Claire almost sounded startled at his question.

 

“He’s sixteen. I’m twenty, turning twenty-one in a few months.”

 

“And? You haven’t done anything illegal, Jensen. If we arrested every adult a teenager had a crush on, Hollywood would be a giant prison. You care for him; I can see that. But I see nothing unhealthy from either of you unless you tell me otherwise. A crush isn’t illegal, and neither is the affection I see between you. If I can be frank, even if something were happening – and I don’t want to know if it is – I doubt the courts would really pursue.”

 

“It isn’t. I’ve never touched him. I wouldn’t, I—“

 

“It’s okay, Jensen. I’m only saying I don’t want to know because, legally, I have to report those kinds of things and I couldn’t sign off on temporary guardianship. A crush however, I can turn a blind eye to. Now, I’ll ask you formally, would you like to care for Jared until his mom is well enough to take him back?”

 

“He doesn’t want me to take care of him.”

 

“You’re his only hope. He knows his options. He chose you, if you’ll have him.”

 

Jensen forced the flutter in his stomach down. “What are his other options?”

  
“He’s got two. Being put into a group home, where he’ll be given to a foster family is his first. His mother would need to go to court, take classes, and prove that she’s able to care for him again. If she were to refuse, he would remain a ward of the state unless he was adopted by a foster family. His second option is being put into a mental health institution. He’d remain there as long as the doctors saw fit and when, or if, he’s released, he’d be free to return to his mother, provided that she’s proven that she can care for a child with his degree of mental health problems.”

 

“What about other family?” Jensen tried.

 

“The closest relative is his uncle in Florida, and he’s refusing to take him in. Seems Jared’s got quite a problem child reputation within the family.”

 

Jensen snorted. “So I’m his last chance at a normal life.”

 

“You are.”

 

He spun his coffee cup in his palms for a moment. “Can I talk to Jared about it first?”

 

“Of course. Come on.” She rose and led him back to the room.

 

Jared was sitting up in bed when they returned, lightly running his fingers over his bandaged arms.

 

“Hey, Jay,” Jensen said softly. Jared looked up.

 

“Come to say goodbye?”

 

“I actually came to talk to you about your decision – if you haven’t changed your mind already.”

 

“You—“ Jared looked over in surprise for a moment before his mental walls went up. He looked down at his hands. “I don’t have much of a choice, do I?”

 

“Sounds like you’ve got a few choices. I’m not going to force you into anything, Jared.”

 

“All of the choices will ruin my life!”

 

“And the choice of staying with me?”

 

Jared was quiet again, chewing his bottom lip. When he finally spoke, his voice was soft; Jensen had to lean forward to hear him correctly. “If I stay with you, will you force me to change? Put me in a new school, keep me from seeing my family, that kind of stuff?”

 

“Of course not. Unless you want me to. You run the show here, man. Nothing has to change if you don’t want it to. You can think of it as an extended sleepover at a friend’s house if you want to.”

 

“How will you take care of me? You’re in college and with your hands you can’t teach—“

 

“I have a part time job at a music store near the school. The boss is my dad’s friend. If I explain the situation he’ll give me more hours, I’m sure. And most of my classes are when you’re in school anyway, so I can drop you off beforehand. We can work out what you wanna do after school if my classes run over or I have to work. We just have to talk about things, but we can make this work if it’s what you really want.”

 

“Do you really want me there? I’m a mess, Jen.”

 

Jensen reached out, brushing his cheek lightly. “You’re a young man who’s been through a hell of a mess lately. I want you wherever you think you’ll be happiest. If that’s with me, then my door is open. If it’s not, then I’ll still be there for you as a friend.”

 

Jared met Jensen’s eyes, clearly considering his words. He turned to Claire.

 

“So what do I have to do? To make him my caregiver or whatever?”

 

Claire beamed. “Just tell me. Jensen and I will handle all the paperwork and talking to your mother.”

 

“Will I be able to go get some stuff from my house?”

  
“Of course. Though I’d try to keep it to necessitates – Jensen’s apartment isn’t very big.”

 

Jensen raised his hand. “He can bring whatever he wants. I’ve been meaning to clear some clutter of out of my place anyway. This will give me a reason to.”

 

“Alright. When you get released Jared, I’ll drive you two up to your mom’s. Jensen mentioned his car is still there, so he’ll be able to take you back to his apartment afterwards.”

 

Jensen nodded. “Sound good to you, Jay?” He confirmed.

 

Jared smiled adoringly, the first real smile Jensen had seen since Jared woke. “Sounds excellent.”


	11. Passing the Buck

“Are you ready for this, Jay?” Jensen asked softly as they pulled up in front of Jared’s house. He leaned on Jensen’s shoulder in the backseat and took his hand for a moment.

 

“As ready as I can be.”

 

Jensen knew he was trying to sound confident, but Jared was scared. He could tell from the way Jared’s eyes darted from place to place in the silent yard, scanned up the large house as if checking for dark shadows in the windows. This wasn’t going to be easy for either of them.

 

Claire smiled back at the two, giving them their moment. “Your mother knows we’re coming.” She said softly.

 

Jensen squeezed Jared’s hand and opened his door. He pulled Jared out, releasing his hand to sling an arm around his shoulders. “I’m right here, okay?”

 

Jared nodded, leaning into the touch like he was starved for it. God knows, he probably was. Jensen couldn’t think of a single time he’d seen Jared’s family actually touch him.

 

The two stayed behind Claire, climbing the steps slowly. Jensen worked to keep his breathing calm, hoping it would help Jared relax. He gripped Jared’s shoulder a little tighter despite the ache of protest that shot up his arm. Jared smiled thankfully, brushing the tips of his fingers over the bandages peeking out of the sleeves of the shirt the hospital had given him.

 

Jensen only let go of Jared when the door opened. The maid caught sight of them and beamed.

 

“Jared! Goodness I’m so glad to see you’re okay!”

 

“You—“

 

“She called 9-1-1 for me that night,” Jensen explained.

 

“Oh. Sorry I worried you,” Jared said with a tight voice.

 

“Come in, your mother is waiting in the living room for you all.”

 

“I’d rather just go up and start packing, if that’s okay?” Jared whispered.

 

Jensen glanced at Claire before nodding. “Go for it. I’ll come up and get you when we’re done, okay?”

 

Jared headed up the stairs. Jensen looked at him and smiled, hoping it looked confident, before the maid ushered him into the other room.

 

Jared’s mother sat delicately on an old chair, looking ready to fall asleep. His brother and sister were sprawled on the couch, but Jeff shot up as soon as he caught sight of Jensen.

 

“What is _he_ doing here?” He spat. Jensen could see the dark bruise on his jaw from the punch nearly a week ago.

 

“Mr. Ackles will be taking over care for your brother until your mother is well enough to care for him herself,” Claire explained patiently, taking a seat on the couch across from Jared’s mother. Jensen sat next to her, still eyeing Jeff warily.

 

“ _Him_?” He’s not old enough to take care of Jared. Plus, he’s got some sort of creepy crush on him,” Megan argued, tugging Jeff back to his seat.

 

Claire smiled patiently, and Jensen wondered how the hell she remained so calm in this madhouse.

 

“I’ve been observing these two for a few days now while they were at the hospital. I also conducted interviews with them both. I found nothing more than a mature young man who wants to see Jared get better, as we all do. It’s my professional opinion that Jared will do quite well under Mr. Ackles’ care, and Jared has expressed the wish to remain with Mr. Ackles over his other options.”

 

“What other options? I mean, they had to be pretty crappy for him to choose this guy.”

 

Jensen tensed up a little, closing his eyes to keep calm as Claire spoke,

 

“His other options were a foster home or a mental health facility. You have no relatives willing to take him in, and Jeff is the only one of you old enough to care for Jared, but he said that he didn’t wish to because it would delay his move to college. I assure you, Mr. Ackles has been investigated thoroughly before this matter was decided. My only concern is the welfare of your older brother.”

 

Jensen smiled gratefully over at Claire. It was taking all he had not to snap at Megan. He knew she was just a child – and she really didn’t understand her brother as much as she should have, but her questions and implications were infuriating.

 

Jared’s mother spoke then, her voice rough and tired. “Will five hundred a month be sufficient?”

 

“I—I’m sorry?” Jensen sputtered.

 

She looked at him like he had four heads. She’d pulled out a checkbook and now held it in front of her like a crucifix to a demon.

 

“Five hundred dollars. Do you need more? I assumed that would be sufficient to cover his living expenses. I know my late husband was paying you just over that for your tutoring, but since you are no longer his tutor, I didn’t expect –“

 

“I don’t need your money!” Jensen cried, cutting her off. He didn’t care how rude he sounded.

 

Her eyes bulged at his outburst. “Then what do you want for keeping him?”

 

“Ke—Keeping him? He’s not a pet! I don’t want anything from you. He’s your _son_ for godssake. All I want is what’s best for him, and right now he needs to know someone in his family _cares_ about him.”

 

Claire set a hand on Jensen’s shoulder in an attempt to calm him. “Relax, Jensen,” She said softly. When his shoulders lost their rigidness, she continued, “Mrs. Padalecki’s monetary assistance will help you out greatly. I know where you’re coming from, but a teenage boy is a big responsibility – especially when you consider the extra mental care he’ll need. We can talk about setting up an account for Jared that you guys can use if something major comes up.”

 

Jensen sighed softly, the thought of taking money from _her_ rolling his stomach. He didn’t need her help, Jared did.

 

Claire turned her attention to her once Jensen nodded. “Now, Mrs. Padalecki, I think what Mr. Ackles is trying to say is that Jared is very sensitive right now. This is a difficult time for all of you, and Jared needs to know that his family has his support, even if he’s not staying here. Mr. Ackles is simply hoping that you’ll be willing to provide that.”

 

“Isn’t the point of him taking Jared so I don’t have to be involved in that sort of thing?”

 

Jensen felt fury rise in his throat again, hot and bitter. “He’s your _son_. He tried to kill himself, don’t you get that?” He snapped.

 

Mrs. Padalecki blinked slowly, drawing her gaze to Jensen. “I am aware of what Jared attempted to do. We wouldn’t be in this position if he hadn’t made the choices he’s made over the past month.”

 

The laugh that huffed out of Jensen’s mouth was anything but humorous. “My fu—Choices? You’re kidding me. You’re going to pin all of this crap on your sixteen-year-old kid?”

 

“He made our Dad wreck,” Jeff mumbled, and Jensen turned to him, his eyes blazing.

 

“You say another fucking word and I’ll break your nose. Jared didn’t make your father do a damn thing. Kids and parents fight! It’s a fact of life. The wreck wasn’t his fault.”

 

“You weren’t there! How could you know?!”

 

“How could you? It was Jared and your guys’ father in that car! You don’t know what really went down either!”

 

Claire set her hand back on Jensen’s shoulder, her nails digging in just a bit. “Jensen. This isn’t helping anyone,” She warned in a quiet voice.

 

Jensen dropped his face in his hands, running them roughly up and down. “Do you really need me in here for this conversation? I’m about to lose it, and that’s the last thing Jared needs.”

 

“Well, we do have some things to discuss—“

 

“Fine, but I don’t want to hear a peep from either of you _children_. This is between your mother and me. Not you two.”

 

“Excuse me, I’m a grown man,” Jeff tried to argue, sounding more childish as the moments passed.

 

“And I'm still older than you. You’re acting like a child, so I’m gonna call you one. Now shut up.”

 

Jeff blinked, surprise coloring his face. Jensen figured he’d probably never been told to be quiet in his life – spoiled rotten brat. He turned his attention to Mrs. Padalecki, who looked at a loss for words.

 

“Jared will be safe with me. I’ve got a job, and I’ve spoken to the courts about the situation, they’re giving me my license back, so I’ll be able to get him around. The money will help, sure. Put it into a bank account with Jared’s name on it, and we’ll use it if we have to. My school’s insurance won’t cover him, so you’ll need to take care of that, or keep him on your insurance if you have it. Other than that, I don’t need shit from you. And Jared… He needs your care. So if you can’t give that to him… Don’t bother.”

 

Claire smiled weakly. “Well, I think you covered all of the important points right there, Jensen… Do you agree, Mrs. Padalecki?”

 

Her eyes narrowed, a stare down across the coffee table. “I don’t care for your attitude, Mr. Ackles,” She said softly.

  
Jensen’s smile was dangerous – even murderous to an outside viewer. When he spoke his voice was low and silken, “And I don’t like the fact that your kid almost bled out in your house, and I had to scream for ten minutes for someone to help me… And even after that, a _maid_ came to his aid. Not his mother, not his brother or sister. I don’t like the fact that you treat him like some pet you can give away. But I’m not doing this for you. Honestly, I could care less about this family. Drink yourself into the ground for all I care. I care about Jared. He’s a good guy and you all treat him like garbage. So don’t like my attitude, don’t like the way I dress, the way I look, hell, you can hate me for my name – I don’t _care_. Just give me what I need so I can take care of your son in a way you can’t be bothered to. Sign the damn paperwork, and let me take Jared home.”

 

If air could have been ignited, the Padalecki living room would be burning to a crisp.

 

Jensen refused to back down, staring at Mrs. Padalecki over the distance, his entire body tense and ready for a fight. Jeff was silent, but Jensen could feel him glaring daggers. It sounded like Megan had stopped breathing; it was clear she wasn’t used to someone standing up to her parents. Even Claire was silent – unsure what to do in this situation.

 

All remained still for at least five minutes, until a soft knock drew everyone’s attention to the doorway. The maid who’d answered the door smiled nervously. “Um, Jared is asking for you, Jensen… I don’t think he’s doing so well up there.”

 

Jensen glanced at Claire. “Pull out the stuff so I can sign it.” He turned back to the maid and spoke, his voice much softer, clear caring in his tone, “Go back up with him, please? Tell him I’ll be up in five minutes. Stay with him, if you could? Make sure he’s okay?”

 

The maid smiled gratefully at Jensen. “No problem, Sir.”

 

“Hey, it’s Jensen. Thank you.” His mouth twitched into a half smile before he sighed, turning to take the papers that Claire offered.

 

“Just a few sheets. Basic stuff, saying you’ll care for Jared as long as Mrs. Padalecki is unable to, you’ll continue his schooling and any extracurricular activities he has, and you’ll provide shelter and food, medical care, if he needs it. Also one that says you’re willing to have random visits from myself or another CPS worker to make sure you two are getting on okay. And this one,” She flipped another onto the small pile, “Is the one giving you permission to take the role of guardian until we all see fit that it be revoked.”

 

Jensen signed them quickly and passed them back to her. “I’m gonna make sure Jared’s okay. He’ll probably wanna see you before you go, and I’m sure you wanna talk to him, um, this house is crazy confusing so you can probably ask the maid, I can ask her to show you where his room is?”

 

“That’d be great, Jensen. Thank you, go on.” She squeezed his knee before letting him rise and head to the stairs.

 

He knocked softly on the door when he reached it, not wanting to invade Jared’s space.

 

“Come in,” Jared called, his voice sounding thick.

 

Jensen entered and smiled at the maid. “Claire, the CPS woman with me, would you mind showing her where Jared’s room is when she’s done down there?”

 

“Of course not.” The maid headed out, then hesitated. “I wanted to thank you. For being there for him.”

 

Jensen smiled and took her hand. “It’s my pleasure. And thank you, for being there that night.”

 

She smiled softly and headed out.

 

Jensen turned, taking in the room in the daylight. It was odd – no one would ever be able to tell a sixteen-year-old nearly died in this room just four days before. The sheets were clean – white this time – and the room was spotless.

 

Jared was sitting cross legged on the bed in his own clothes, the hospital borrowed ones in a pile by the door. He was flipping through the pages of a yearbook.

 

“How are you holding up?” Jensen asked softly.

 

“Not so hot,” Jared admitted. Jensen sat behind him, placing his hands lightly on Jared’s shoulders.

 

“Talk to me.”

 

“They hate me, don’t they?”

 

“Of course not. They’re just—“

 

“Don’t try to make me feel better. I know the truth, and you promised that I was in control of this. Don’t lie to me, okay?”

 

Jensen sighed. He rose and sat in front of Jared, reaching out and touching his hand. “They’re hurt. And they… Don’t know what to do about you. I don’t think they understand what’s going on in your brain, or why you did what you did. I don’t think they even understand what they’re supposed to do as your family.”

 

Jared nodded. Jensen’s heart ached as he watched a fat tear roll down Jared’s cheek, darkening a spot on his jean leg.

 

“They— I’m a burden that they’re willing to pass off to anyone. And what’s even worse, _you_ were the one that got stuck with my crap.”

 

“Hey, I told you I didn’t mind that, Jay,” Jensen tried to assure him.

 

“I know. But you -- you’ve been dodging every question I’ve had about how you feel or what you think about this whole situation. Aside from saying you’re okay with it and you’ll help me get better, I have no idea what’s going on with you. It feels like you’re hiding something from me.”

 

Jensen sighed softly. He reached up, brushing the tear track off Jared’s cheek. “I guess I’m just trying to deal with everything myself, so I don’t make it harder on you. I don’t want you to feel guilty for this choice, Jared.”

 

“But I do. Every time I ask if you’re really okay with this you look so sad – I feel like I’m ruining your life.”

 

“No. That’s the last thing you’re doing. I think this change will be good for both of us. I’m not much older than you, Jared. This is scary for me; more than you realize I think. Plus, with my hands, and my schooling, there’s a lot going on. And yeah, you moving in adds more to my plate. But I didn’t wanna tell you this because I know you. You’re gonna feel like all my stress is your fault, and it isn’t. It really isn’t. We just need to work together, okay?”

 

“Is me being around going to mess up your plans? For your future or anything?”

 

Jensen shook his head. “No. At this point, all the plans I had went out the window when I wrecked my bike. Maybe you being around will help me figure out some new ones.”

 

Jared smiled a little. It was that contagious smile that Jensen fell so hard for. He brushed Jared’s hair off his forehead.

 

“Will you help me pack?” Jared asked then, glancing at the half full suitcase on the floor.

 

“Glad to,” Jensen said, rising and snagging a shirt that was sitting on the bed.


	12. Christmas Eve

The weeks following Jared’s discharge from the hospital passed quickly.

 

Jared was concerned about returning to school, but Jensen wasn’t going to let anyone stop him. They went together, and Jensen spoke to the guidance counselor and principal with Jared. The entire situation was explained, and the counselor assured Jared he’d be available if he needed it, but wouldn’t make a big deal out of it.

 

Jared knew he’d get questions about the bandages on his arms, so right before the bell rang Jensen shrugged off his University hoodie and help Jared wiggle into it.

It was Christmas eve now, a few days into Jared’s winter break. He and Jensen were on the couch, watching a marathon of Christmas themed movies.

 

Jared could feel Jensen sneaking peeks at him, and wondered what it meant. Since he moved in, Jensen had been a perfect friend and roommate. He given his room to Jared, opting for the couch. Jared was allowed as much privacy as he wanted, but Jensen was always nearby if he wanted to talk or even just be near someone.

 

Jensen made breakfast every morning and took Jared to school. When his university schedule allowed, he’d come by for lunch. If not, he always made sure Jared had enough money to go out with friends.

 

After school, except Thursdays when Jensen’s class ran until five, he’d pick Jared up and let him choose where to go: the university library if Jensen had homework as well, something on campus, Jensen’s work, the public library, for the apartment. Jared had never had this much freedom in his life and he loved it.

 

Things were as close to perfect as Jared could imagine. But something was still off. Recently, the lingering looks and touches had increased and the sexually charged jokes were becoming more frequent. Jared still had a huge crush on his instructor turned roommate, and held a tiny spark of hope that he’d reciprocate– someday.

 

And now, the looks during the movie, the twitching hand like Jensen wanted to lift it or take Jared’s – maybe tonight…

 

Taking a chance, Jared rose and put in a new movie before sitting back down. Instead of his corner of the couch, he sat close to Jensen, leaning on his shoulder.

 

A brief flash of tension stiffened Jensen’s form before he relaxed, lifting his arm and resting it over Jared’s shoulders.

 

Jared snuggled deeper into the embrace, sliding his hand across Jensen’s stomach. He relaxed, allowing them to stay in this position for a while.

 

Almost absentmindedly, Jared’s fingers traced the hem of Jensen’s shirt, sliding under to brush skin and the light hairs of his happy trail. Jared shifted, brushing his lips over Jensen’s neck. He could feel Jensen’s pulse racing under his mouth. He was tense, but Jared knew if he didn’t keep going he’d lose the nerve once again.

 

He tilted his head up and bit lightly on Jensen’s earlobe at the same moment he dropped his hand to Jensen’s crotch.

 

It was only a second before a firm hand gripped his wrist, stopping him from moving any farther. “Jared,” Jensen’s voice was firm but there was a hint of something else… _need_.

 

Jared pulled his hand free and slid it back up, under Jensen’s shirt. “Just tell me, Jen. Yes, or no. This back and forth is killing me,” Jared whispered against his ear.

 

Jensen groaned through gritted teeth, tilting his head away from Jared like it weighed a million pounds. “I—Jared…”

 

Jared moved, crawling into his lap and pressing their foreheads together. “Yes or no?”

 

“It’s not that easy,” Jensen gritted out, screwing his eyes shut.

 

“Why not? It’s one word,” Jared panted, closing his own eyes. Both hands were wandering under Jensen’s shirt now, over the expanse of flesh he’d only ever dreamed about.

 

“You’re sixteen – I’m supposed to be keeping you safe, I—“

 

“You won’t hurt me. You _are_ taking care of me,” Jared pressed. “What are you so scared of?”

 

Jensen gritted his teeth again. “This won’t work. I—We’re at different places. I wanna settle down, start a family. You’ve got your whole life ahead of you. In a year, maybe less, you won’t want this. You’ll leave.”

 

Jared sat back, meeting Jensen’s strained face. “That’s what you’re scared of? That I’m gonna leave after you fuck me?”

 

“No. I’m scared you’ll leave after I’m too in love with you to let you fucking go. It’s not fair to you. I won’t do that, Jay. I’m so sorry.” He pushed Jared off his lap and rose, stalking toward the kitchen.

 

Jensen made it to the entryway before Jared grabbed his wrist. He twisted Jensen around and slammed him against the wall, knocking a photo down. Before Jensen could react, Jared slammed their mouths together.

 

It wasn’t how Jared pictured their first kiss. It wasn’t slow and romantic with fireworks and candles. No, this was fury, pure and unbridled need. Teeth clashed, lips bitten, salty with both their tears. This was angry, painful, and forceful. This was perfect.

 

It was only a second. Jared pulled back, panting, lips swollen. “I’m already too in love to let you go, you fucking moron. I want a life with you, are you that _blind_? I’ve been trying to tell you for _weeks_! I want—“

 

It was Jensen that stopped Jared this time. He shoved him against the wall and kissed him hard. The aggression drained from them both quickly, however, and all that was left was need.

 

Jensen kissed him until they were both gasping for air. Without a word, he grabbed Jared’s hand and pulled him to the couch, tugging Jared to straddle his lap. He pulled Jared’s shirt off, kissing over Jared’s heaving chest.

 

Jared laughed breathlessly, playing his fingers through Jensen’s hair. “You’re gonna pop my cherry on the couch? How romantic,” He teased.

 

Jensen looked up at him. “Of course not. I’m not having sex with you tonight, Jay.”

 

Jared’s face drooped but Jensen kissed his frown away. “My first time was a quickie behind a bar when I was fifteen. I’ve regretted it my whole life. I’m making yours special.”

 

“It’ll be special no matter what. It’s with you.”

 

“Just trust me, okay?”

 

Jared sighed, “Fine. So what, you gonna tease me until I pass out?”

 

Jensen’s smile turned mischevious. “I don’t need to have sex with you to give you an amazing orgasm.”

 

Jared’s eyes widened when he caught the glint in Jensen’s eyes. He barely opened his mouth to respond when Jensen shoved him onto his back, dragging his sweats down his legs.

 

After taking a shaky breath he looked up, seeing Jensen gazing over his body with unbridled lust, the front of his own sweats tending out to reveal just how approving he was of the body under him.

 

“Gonna stare all night? We’ve gotta get up early, you know.”

 

“Be quiet,” Jensen warned without much venom. Jared smirked.

 

“Or what?”

 

“Or I’ll give you something better to do with that mouth.”

 

Jared’s cock twitched, dribbling precome onto his stomach. Jensen leaned down, lapping it up. “Like that idea?”

 

“Maybe,” Jared admitted, his face turning red under Jensen’s scrutiny. He realized that he honestly had no idea what to do. Fantasy was one thing, but now that the real thing was in front of him panic began to set in. Even Jensen’s hot breath against his cock wasn’t helping.

 

Great. He _finally_ gets with the guy of his dreams and he can’t even stay hard. This was humiliating.

 

Jared hid his red face under his arms. Jensen looked up, kissing his hip. “Hey, what’s wrong? Is this too far?”

 

“Lemme up,” Jared whispered. Jensen moved immediately and Jared jumped up, tugging his sweats over the evidence of his embarrassment. “I’m so sorry.”

 

“No, don’t apologize. Are you okay?”

 

“I’m fine. I’m just an idiot,” Jared muttered.

 

“Did I push you too far? I don’t wanna make you uncomfortable.”

 

“You didn’t, it’s me.”

 

Jensen pulled Jared onto the couch next to him, holding him close. God, it felt so nice in Jensen’s arms. So _right_.

 

“Talk to me.”

 

“I just—For months I’ve fantasized about this. You’ve been my jerk off material since I met you.”

 

“So what happened?”

 

“You’re so much more experienced. I—I know I’m gonna make a fool of myself. I don’t even know how to give someone else a handjob, let alone blow you right or anything else. You’re going to laugh me right out of bed.”

 

Jensen did laugh the and Jared glared. Jensen’s smile softened. He ran his thumb over the crease between Jared’s eyebrows.

“You don’t have to worry about that, Jay. Sure, I’ve had experience, but everyone is different and none of them were _you_. Wanna know why I was staring at you before? Because just seeing you in the flesh – I almost came.”

 

“Don’t lie to make me feel better,” Jared mumbled, hiding his face in Jensen’s chest.

 

“I’m not. If you’d touched me at that moment, I would’ve come in my pants like I was fourteen all over again. I never want you to be scared of embarrassing yourself with me. This is new for both of us. We’ll just take it slow, okay?”

 

“But I want to make you feel good,” Jared whispered.

 

Jensen stroked his cheek. “How about we just start slow and go from there? You definitely know how to kiss. You know how to get yourself off. Let’s build from that.”

 

Jared looked up at Jensen, unable to stop himself from smiling at the gentle adoration in those bright green eyes.

 

“Can I take your shirt off?”

 

Jensen nodded, scooting forward so Jared could pull the worn tee from his body.

 

All the air in Jared’s lungs left in a puff. “You’re so much sexier than I imagined,” He whispered, feeling blood begin to flow to the correct place again.

 

“Am I? It’s all yours now,” Jensen pressed, leaning back on the couch. He palmed himself through his sweats, stopping when Jared scowled. “What?”

 

“Is it hard to jerk off? With your hands messed up?”

 

Jensen shrugged. “A little. But I have ways of getting off without using my hands. Why?”

 

Jared shrugged. He leaned forward, laying his hands over Jensen’s chest. Experimentally, he ran his thumbs over the rosy nipples, smirking when Jensen jerked. “Sensitive?”

 

“Oh yeah. Even more when someone sucks ‘em.” Jensen hinted, meeting Jared’s eyes.

 

“Can I—“

 

“I’m yours to explore, Jay. Don’t be embarrassed to experiment. I’ll let you know what works.”

 

Jared wet his lips and leaned forward, running his tongue over the hard tip of one nipple.

 

Jensen grunted, his hips jerking. He ran his fingers lightly through Jared’s hair. “That’s good baby boy. Feels nice,” He praised, giving Jared the push to go on.

 

He sucked and licked each nipple until Jensen was quivering underneath him, whining and sighing. When he finally pulled back, a flush of pride made him grin.

 

Jensen was panting, sweat making his short bangs cling to his forehead. A half dollar sized damp spot darkened the grey of Jensen’s sweats, his eyes screwed shut.

 

“Could you come just from that?” Jared wondered aloud.

 

“No, but I could get damn close,” Jensen panted. He gave a sobbing moan when Jared tweaked the nipple he’d just finished biting.

 

“What else feels good to you?”

 

“Hair pulling. Biting. I love being scratched.”

 

“You like it rough,” Jared laughed.

 

Jensen winked at him, laughing tiredly. “I may just pin you down and dry hump you if you tease anymore though.”

 

Jared’s stomach twisted at the thought. He straddled Jensen’s hips, grinding his ass down against the cock barely contained with the fabric of Jensen’s sweats.

 

“Fuck,” Jensen hissed, grabbing Jared’s hips.

 

Jared could feel Jensen’s fingers biting in, his cock twitching against Jared’s bare ass. “Does that feel good?” Jared panted, rutting their bodies together.

 

Jensen’s hands lost their grip on Jared’s hips, sliding around until his arms were wrapped tightly around Jared’s midsection. He buried his face in Jared’s chest, the damp hairs tickling his chin.

 

“Keep—Keep going,” Jensen pleaded, his hips bucking on their own volition.

 

Jared curled his own arms loosely around Jensen’s shoulders. Fingers ran through Jensen’s hair, short and soft, before Jared fisted the damp locks and jerked back, forcing Jensen’s head up. He smirked when Jensen hissed, their eyes meeting briefly before it was all mouths, more sharing breath than kissing.

 

 Jensen whimpered into Jared's mouth, his head dropping to Jared's chest again. Jared pulled his face back up, grinding their hips hard and fast. He grimaced, his short nails biting into Jared's back. A whimper before his hips jerked twice more. His entire body tensed and stilled.

 

Jared slowed, studying Jensen's face.  it took a few moments, but Jensen's eyes finally focused and locked with Jared's. He smiled tiredly, his body relaxing.

 

“You just - -” Jared clarified.

  
“Oh yeah,” Jensen panted. He wiped sweat from his brow. “Just like a teenager. Shift over so I can get the sticky things off.”

 

Jared moved off Jensen, his mouth going dry at the mess Jensen revealed when he wiggled out of the sweats. And his cock – god. Even softening it was impressive. Jared’s stomach did little flips at the thought of _that_ being his first – hopefully his _only_ – cock.

 

“What’s wrong?” Jensen panted, catching Jared’s stare.

 

“You’re um—you’re really big.”

 

Jensen laughed, wiping himself off with the sweats. “Thanks, I think.”

 

“It’s a compliment. But uh – is it gonna fit?”

 

Jensen furrowed his brows before grinning. “Yeah, it’ll fit, Jay. We’ll just take it slow. Lots of lube, maybe get you relaxed with a toy.”

 

“A toy?”

 

Jensen nodded. “Wait, you’ve never used a toy?”

 

Jared shook his head, his blush darkening.

 

“Hold on.” Jensen rose and walked away, giving Jared an excellent view of his bare ass. He returned a few moments later with a slender plug and a box of condoms.

 

“It’s mine. It’s clean, but uh – here.” He passed the items to Jared, who bit his lip, his cheeks still burning.

 

“I don’t know how to, you know.”

 

“Use one? Have you ever had anything inside yourself?”

 

“I tried a finger once but I couldn’t get ahold of lube. Spit didn’t feel so good.”

 

Jensen dug in the side table and withdrew a bottle of lube. “Want me to show you?” He offered.

 

“Y—Won’t that be weird?” Jared worried.

 

Jensen smiled patiently and sat. “I’m planning on taking your virginity at some point. If this is weird, we’ve got a problem. Plus, you still haven’t come and I’m not that kind of asshole. If you want to, lay back and I’ll guide you through it. I’d do it all myself but earlier kinda—“ He held up his hands for emphasis.

 

“Oh shit, Jensen, your hands. I’m so sorry, I didn’t even think!”

 

“No worries, baby. I enjoyed it too much to really notice until now.” He pushed Jared back and tugged his sweats off for the second time that night.

 

“Spread your legs for me.” Jared did, shaking gently. He’d never felt so exposed.

  
“Are you sure about this?” Jensen clarified. Jared nodded, meeting his gaze.

 

“Alright. I’ll get you started, then you have to take over.”

 

“Jensen?” Jared asked just as Jensen brushed his fingertip over the untouched entrance.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“W—Will you kiss me? The first time you… You know.”

 

“Of course. Just relax. And don’t be afraid to tell me to stop.”

 

 

Jared was entranced to say the least. The pure focus and adoration on Jensen's face was enough to get his heart pounding a mile a minute. The cold lube startled him into gasping and made Jensen look up for the first time since he'd begun.

 

"You doing okay?"

 

"I'm amazing, and so are you," Jared whispered and swore he saw Jensen blush. Instead of responding, Jensen moved up Jared's body, leaning down to kiss him deeply.

 

"Relax." He whispered against Jared's mouth. Jared nodded.

 

The initial push was uncomfortable but not painful. Jared grunted, trying to relax at the intrusion. In an effort to calm his nerves, Jensen deepened the kiss, nibbling lightly on Jared's bottom lip. Jared's fingers tightened on Jensen's shoulders when he began to push the second finger in.

 

"Look at me, baby. Just relax, you're doing great," Jensen praised.

 

"Will it be this uncomfortable every time?" Jared panted, trying to will his body to relax.

 

"Everyone is different, so I couldn't tell you. But you will need to stretch a bit every time - it'll get easier the more often you do it. Remember to breathe, baby boy."

 

Jared gasped, squeezing his eyes shut when Jensen crooked his fingers.

 

"That good, Jared?"

 

"That felt great... Do it again?"

 

Jensen smiled and rubbed his fingers lightly over that spot inside Jared once more, causing Jared to moan and spread his legs further.

 

Taking a chance, Jared met Jensen's gaze and whispered, "Do I feel good?"

 

Jensen chuckled. "Amazing. You're so tight, Jay."

 

"Oh yeah? bet you can't wait to get in me." To emphasize, he grabbed Jensen's cock with a shaking hand, giving it a gentle tug. Jensen's throat clicked.

 

"Fuck, Jay."

 

"I hope so. I can't wait to feel you in me. Feels like I've already waited forever."

 

Jensen dropped his head onto Jared's shoulder, working him open slowly. "You're killing me," He huffed.

 

Jared laughed breathlessly. It still felt a bit uncomfortable, but the way Jensen was working his fingers against that spot - it felt too good to care. He ran his fingers through Jensen's hair, still stroking his cock lightly.

 

"Want me to try the toy?" Jensen asked.

 

"Yeah. Go slow though." Jared reluctantly let go of Jensen when he sat up.

 

"I won't hurt you."

 

Jared nodded, letting his eyes slip shut. He grimaced at the sudden empty feeling when Jensen pulled his fingers out, but all conscious thought left his mind when the condom covered toy began to push in for the first time.

 

It felt odd, but that's not to say unpleasant; it left Jared breathless, holding onto Jensen for dear life.

 

When the base was snug against Jared's ass, Jensen guided his hand down, placing it where it needed to be to grip the toy.

 

"Go ahead, straight in and out, or at an angle - play around, you'll figure out what feels best."

 

Jared opened his eyes when Jensen's comforting weight left him. Jensen was sprawled out on the other side of the couch, palming his cock as his eyes roamed Jared's body.

 

"You're gonna jerk off to me masturbating?" Jared asked, gripping the toy a little more firmly.

 

"Of course. You look like a porn star right about now."

 

"Watching live underage porn? Tsk-tsk, Jensen. Naughty." Jared teased.

 

Jensen winked. "To quote you: no one needs to know."

 

Jared rolled his eyes but shifted, baring himself a little more to Jensen. Taking a breath, he pulled the toy out slowly.

 

Sparks ran through Jared's body, starting at his cock and exploding outward. He was dimply aware that he arched off the couch, his own surprised cry of pleasure echoing in his brain. One more push to get the toy seated firmly before Jared stilled his hand, opting instead to fuck himself down onto it.

 

The slick drag of his rim as it clenched around the toy had his legs shaking. A gentle nudge against his prostate every time he pumped his hips down - this was amazing, and he honestly couldn't wait for the real thing.

 

A fresh blurt of precome dribbled onto Jared's heaving stomach when his mind wandered to 'the real thing.' This toy was _half_ the size of Jense's cock.

 

Lost in fantasy, he pictured how it would be: Jensen's knees against his back, those beautiful hands holding his hips as he rode Jensen's cock in a position just like this.

 

"Jensen!" The name ripped from his throat before he could stop it. He forced his eyes open, still keeping up the quick snap of his hips onto the toy.

 

Their eyes met across the couch and Jared whispered again, "Jensen..."

 

"Feel good?" Jensen asked, still rubbing his palm over his leaking cock.

 

"You'd feel better," Jared admitted.

 

"Oh yeah? That what you're picturing?"

 

"Mhm - You-- you making me ride you just like this."

 

Jared looked down at Jensen palming himself. It didn't look all that pleasurable, and if Jensen's stoic face was any indicator, it probably hurt his hand.

 

"Come here," Jared panted, feeling his climax begin to build in his knotted stomach. He slowed the speed of his thrusts and continued, "Stand by my face, I'll suck you off."

 

"You don't have to," Jensen argued.

 

“Yeah, I do. I’m not letting you sit over there in pain when I have a perfectly good mouth you can use. You wanna make it special when you take my virginity, fine - but that doesn’t mean you can’t get pleasure by using other parts of me.” Jared stopped moving completely as he spoke, sitting up a little.

 

“You can’t tell me you’ve got no interest in having me suck you off. I know I want to - I have for months. I might not be very good at it, but lemme try?”

 

Jensen hesitated, but rose slowly after a moment of consideration.

 

Jared moved so he was face level to Jensen’s crotch. “You take the lead - it’ll show me what you like for next time.” Jared said, smiling up at Jensen. “And you can come wherever you want.”

 

“Oh?” Jensen ran his fingers through Jared’s hair. “Feeling generous are we?”

 

“No, trying to be good. I know whenever I fantasize— Nevermind.”

 

“No, tell me.”

 

“Well, whenever I’d picture coming on you - it was always your face. So I figured you had a go-to fantasy as well.”

 

“Why my face?”

 

Jared blushed darkly. “Um, your glasses. They’re sexy and I always pictured you wearing them while you sucked me.”

 

Jensen smiled softly, reaching up and brushing the rim of the wire frames. “Well, we’ll make that happen sometime. Open your mouth. I’ll go slow.”

 

Jared swallowed hard, his mouth suddenly dry. He parted his lips, meeting Jensen’s gaze as the thick head of his cock slipped in. He was in heaven. The silken tip dribbled sweet-salty precise on his tongue; a taste he never could have imagined.

 

A low purr of satisfaction rose from Jared’s throat as Jensen carded his fingers through Jared’s hair. He pumped his hips - gentle as promised, never pushing Jared to the point of gagging.

 

Jared glanced up, thrusting the toy into his aching body at a pace matching Jensen’s. What he saw above him was straight out of a wet dream.

 

Jensen’s head was titled back, his red lips parted slightly. Jared followed a bead of sweat down his throat, Adam’s apple bobbing as small moans escaped. Down to his heaving chest, one hand playing over his hard nipples.

 

Jared moaned loudly, startled when Jensen jerked deeper into his mouth. Shifting, he pressed forward until the tip of Jensen’s cock bumped his throat. He pulled back before he could gag and glanced up, smiling as best he could at the surprised but aroused expression Jensen wore.

 

Eager to make him feel good, Jared began to bob his head along the shaft at an even pace. He brought his free hand up, digging his fingers into the curve of Jensen’s ass. His other hand was pumping his own aching cock quickly.

 

Jared gasped as his body tensed. He met Jensen’s gaze, his eyes wide, as Jensen made the most beautiful sounds above him.

 

“You close?” Jensen panted, his face twisted in pleasure.

 

Jared nodded as well as he could, hips twitching as he ground down on the toy.

 

Jensen took the lead, pumping his hips a little quicker, eyes drinking in Jared’s body.

 

Jared pulled off Jensen’s cock, drawing in a ragged breath. His back arched, toes digging into the couch as he came, screaming Jensen’s name.

 

He was still shaking with the aftershocks of his orgasm when Jensen grabbed his hair and pushed his cock back between Jared’s parted lips. A gasp-gag of surprise, his eyes watering, before Jared grabbed Jensen’s hips, holding onto them. His stomach gave a lazy twist of desire.

 

Jensen pulled out, pressing hard on the base of his cock.

 

“Close your eyes,” He stuttered.

 

Jared did, biting his lip. He could hear the wet slap of skin as Jensen jerked his cock, mingling with the deep grunts rising from Jensen’s throat.

 

“Jared, fuck,” Was the only warning Jared got before Jensen came.

 

Over his cheek and neck, hot ropes of come made Jared moan loudly. He opened his eyes, thankful that Jensen had missed that part of his face at least, and smiled softly.

 

When Jensen’s eyes focused, Jared leaned forward, sucking softly at the softening tip.

 

Jensen jerked, grunting. “Too sensitive,” He panted, moving out of the reach of Jared’s mouth before kneeling on the floor. They shared a lazy kiss before Jared laughed tiredly.

 

“What’s so funny?” Jensen murmured, reaching up to brush sweat damp hair from Jared’s face.

 

Jared laughed again. “The guy of my dreams just came moaning MY name and all I can think is how sticky I feel. And that I’m starving.”

 

Jensen raised his head, meeting Jared’s eyes before beginning to laugh himself.

 

“Why don’t you go shower?” Jensen offered. “I’ll clean up and make us a midnight snack.”

 

Jared whined, reaching for Jensen when he moved to rise. “I don’t want to let go of you.”

 

Jensen smiled, sitting on the edge of the couch. “Let’s at least get that toy out of you then.” He gripped the base gently, pulling it out slowly.

 

When Jared hissed, Jensen leaned over and kissed him apologetically. “Sorry,” He murmured against his mouth.

 

“Don’t be. I’m gonna be sore tomorrow. But it’s worth it.”

 

Jensen smiled a little distantly, turning to grab a shirt to wipe Jared’s stomach and neck clean.

 

Jared caught the look, however, and grabbed Jensen’s hand. “What’s wrong?”

 

“Nothing. Why?” Jensen asked, gently cleaning Jared’s stomach.

 

“You’re doing that smile thing,” Jared argued.

 

“Smile thing? Is there something wrong with my smile?”

 

“No, normally your smile is gorgeous. But sometimes you smile and it’s like, I don’t know. Like you don’t mean it. It doesn’t reach your eyes. It’s how I know something is wrong or you’re hiding something from me. Was I— Not good enough?”

 

“No, no, Jared. You were perfect.”

 

“Do you regret it?” Jared asked hesitantly. When Jensen didn’t immediately deny the question, Jared felt his body go cold.

 

“Oh. Well, we can just write it off as a mistake,” Jared said, sitting up and grabbing for his sweats.

 

“Jared, I didn’t mean it like that.”

 

“You don’t regret it then?”

 

“Yes. No! I— This is all so complicated, Jay.”

 

Jared tugged his sweats up. “It’s a yes or no question, Jensen.”

 

“Not everything is black and white, Jared. That’s not real life. Nothing is just yes or no in the real world.”

 

Jared shook his head. “No, you’re right. But _everthing_ is ‘complicated’ to you. I ask if you want me: it’s complicated. I ask if you love me: it’s complicated. Do you regret this: it’s fucking complicated. It doesn’t need to be. If you’d just _talk_ to me, we could figure it out together.” He sighed. “I’m sorry I pushed you. It was wrong. Maybe we can just go back to how it was before.”

 

“Jared, you know that won’t work.”

 

Jared heaved another sigh, “What do you want to do then?”

 

“I just need to think for a while, okay?”

 

Iron clamps squeezed Jared’s heart. He blinked back tears and nodded. “I do too. I’m gonna just go to bed. Do you want to sleep in the bed tonight?”

 

“Nah, I’m gonna clean up a little first. Long day tomorrow.”

 

“I don’t have to go with you to your parents. If it’d be weird.”

 

“Of course not. They know the situation. They’re glad to have you.”

 

“But they’re _your_  family.”

 

“I don’t want you to spend Christmas alone, Jared.”

 

Jared snorted. “Afraid I’ll slit my wrists again?”

 

The pained expression that crossed Jensen’s face told Jared all he needed to know. He glanced down at his still wrapped arms, guilt rushing through his body and pinking his cheeks. “Sorry.”

 

“Don’t be. Did you want a snack before bed?”

 

“I’m not hungry. Goodnight, Jensen.”

 

“Night, Jay.”

 

Jared rose and walked to the bedroom. At the doorway he paused and looked back at Jensen, who was still crouched on the floor. “Merry Christmas,” He said softly before shutting the door.


	13. Your Song

It was the sun streaming through the open curtains that woke Jared. He glanced at the clock and jumped up. It was nearly ten; Jensen had wanted to be at his parent’s house by eight.

 

Jared rushed into the living room, rubbing sleep from his eyes. “I’m so sorry, you should’ve woken me. I’ll be ready in—“

 

The silence was deafening. Jared stood in the living room, turning a slow circle. No one in the kitchen. Bathroom silent and dark. Television off. Jensen wasn’t here.

 

The silence seemed to gain weight, suffocating Jared.

 

Jensen wasn’t here. Jared was alone on Christmas day for the first time in sixteen years. He was _alone_. Jensen left him alone despite everything.

 

Jared collapsed on the couch, tears filling his eyes and spilling over.

 

He was a fool. Throwing away everything on a stupid crush. What could he do now? Where would Claire put him? He couldn’t tell her _why_ he couldn’t stay with Jensen - that’d just get them both in trouble.

 

He hadn’t spoken to his mother in weeks - no way Claire would allow him back with her. He knew the answer. They’d stick him in foster care. Jared would lose _everything_.

 

It took nearly half an hour before Jared could move from the couch.

 

He stumbled to the kitchen and forced himself to drink a glass of water - food was out of the question. Just the thought of food made him sick to his stomach.

 

He wandered back into the bedroom and looked around at a loss for what to do. So he slumped on the bed, letting himself cry again. He knew moping wouldn’t solve anything, but it felt good, dammit.

 

Only when he had a tear induced headache brewing did he rise. He dragged his suitcase out from under the bed.

 

It was a stupid plan and he knew it. But this - this was just hurting himself and Jensen too much.

 

Jared began to pack his belongings with a heavy heart.

 

It was just past one when the silence in the house was finally broken. Jared was folding his jeans when a familiar noise landed on his ears through the closed door. A piano.

 

Jared scowled. He and Jensen still played a little, but the pain in Jensen’s hands always discouraged him quickly. So who was playing? And why did that tune sound so familiar?

 

He cracked the door open, stepping quietly into the living room. Much to his surprise, Jensen was sitting at the piano. His leather jacket was folded to him on the bench, a small square gift in shiny red paper atop that.

 

Jared approached him, but Jensen didn’t pay him any attention. From this new angle, Jared could see a loosened red tie and black pants to match the white dress shirt. Jensen’s brow was furrowed: playing even these simple notes hurt.

 

It wasn’t until Jensen began to sing that Jared recognized the tune.

 

_“It’s a little bit funny, this feeling inside. I’m not one of those who can easily hide. I don’t have much money but boy, if I did, I’d buy a big house where we both could live…”_

 

Jared felt tears rise again, closing his throat. He’d mentioned this song in passing months ago, as being the most romantic thing someone could sing to a lover. Jensen had laughed at him then, and it was never brought up again.

 

_“I know it’s not much but it’s the best I can do. My gift is my song and this one’s for you. And you can tell everybody, this is your song. It may be quite simple but now that it’s done, I hope you don’t mind. I hope you don’t mind, that I put down in words: how wonderful life is while you’re in the world…”_

 

Jensen looked over then, his eyes damp with tears. He smiled softly when their gazes met.

 

Jared could hear a few missed keys; Jensen’s hands had to be killing him, but he pushed past it - and this was too beautiful to stop.

 

_“You see I’ve forgotten if they’re green or they’re blue. Anyway the thing is, what I really mean, yours are the sweetest eyes I’ve ever seen…”_

 

A tear rolled down Jensen’s cheek as he played and Jared heard himself sniffle.

 

When the final notes faded in the air, Jensen dropped his hands, curling them into weak fists on his lap. “Merry Christmas, Jay.”

 

Jared laughed through his tears, rushing up and hugging Jensen tightly. “That’s it? You make me cry like a baby and wish me a Merry Christmas?” He joked, not letting go of Jensen.

 

“Um… Surprise?” Jensen tried again, and this time earned a punch to the arm.

 

“I thought you left,” Jared whispered against his neck.

 

“I did, but not for good. I told you I need to think, but I honestly didn’t know what to do or say this morning. I knew you’d ask. So I left, I hoped I’d figure it out by tonight.”

 

“I—Wouldn’t have been here,” Jared admitted, embarrassed now.

 

“What?”

 

“I was packing when you came back. I was gonna leave. I thought you didn’t wanna be around me.”

 

“Oh God, Jared, no. Never. Even if this didn’t work out between us, you’re my family now. I’ve always got your back.”

 

“I know. It was dumb. So what made up your mind?”

 

“I talked to my mom.”

 

“You told your mom?” Jared cried, his eyes bulging.

 

“Well, not all the gritty details, just that I’d fallen for you and I didn’t know what to do.”

 

“And she... Encouraged you to say yes to a teenager’s advances?”

 

“Well, no. But she told me to follow my heart, that if I really cared for you like that, we could make it work.”

 

“Jen…”

 

“Oh! I got you a present,” Jensen said, picking up the box and passing it to Jared.

 

“You didn’t have to – I know money’s tight—“

 

“Hush up, Jared. We’ve barely had to touch that money your mom gives us. Just open it?”

 

Jared smiled softly and placed the box on his lap. He carefully opened it, almost sad to: it was wrapped so beautifully.

 

Inside was a simple white box. Jared passed Jensen a curious look, hesitating at Jensen’s cat-who-ate-the-canary smile.

 

Jared opened the box and gasped. Inside was a beautiful scarf. It was plaid; red, orange, and soothy Earthy shades. Jared ran his fingers over it, looking up at Jensen in shock when he felt the material.

 

“You didn’t.”

 

“I caught you eyeing it in that magazine this summer. I’ve been saving for it ever since.”

 

“Jen – God, this is at least a full paycheck, I can’t—“

 

Jensen placed a hand over Jared’s lips to silence him. “Hey, we have a home, we have food and gas and clothes. We’re not hurting for money. You’re worth it, Jared.”

 

“I—God, Jen… Thank you.” Jared was near tears.

 

“My pleasure. Go get dressed, we’re due back at my mom’s in an hour.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Yeah, she said if I was gonna do this – say yes to you – she _had_ to meet you. So go. You get to drive too, I’m gonna pop some painkillers and ice my hands while you dress.”

 

Jared set the box down, taking Jensen’s hands, curled into stiff claws. He kissed the knuckles of each.

 

“This is the best Christmas I’ve ever had Jen. Thank you.”

 

Jensen turned his hand up, cupping Jared’s cheek and stroking lightly with his thumb. He leaned forward, pressing a chaste kiss to his mouth. “Go dress.”

 

**

 

Jared stepped out of the bedroom about fifteen minutes later, dressed handsomely. The new cashmere scarf was wrapped loosely around his throat, brightening his tan face.

 

“You look great. The scarf is nice on you.”

 

“It feels amazing. I – um – I got you something too. It’s not much – not enough, but here.” Jared held out a card sized blue envelope.

 

Jensen smiled softly and took it, pulling it open. Inside was a card with two teddy bears hugging in snow on the front. When Jensen opened the card, he gasped.

 

“You didn’t. These tickets have been sold out for nearly four months!”

 

Jared grinned. Inside the card were two tickets to the New Year’s Eve classical concert. “Not when you’re a Padalecki,” Jared joked. “My dad was a big donor to the orchestra. They always have some tickets set aside for donor families for big events like this, and I know my mom isn’t going. Plus, I know you were really bummed out when you couldn’t get the tickets for it – I overheard you talking with your mom about it when I first moved in with you.”

 

Jensen’s smile grew and he pulled Jared into a tight hug. “Thank you, Jay. This is perfect.”

 

Jared beamed, nuzzling against Jensen’s chest. It felt so _right_ … Better than anything he’d felt before. It was too short, however, when Jensen squeezed his shoulders.

 

“Come on, we can’t be late.”

 


	14. The Ackles Family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the long wait here guys! Here's the next chapter - there will be a few more and I will try to update more regularly at this point! Real life can be a bitch!

Jared’s heart leapt into his throat as Jensen guided him to park in front of a cute little two story house.

 

“What if they hate me?” Jared blurted, making Jensen look over in surprise as Jared pulled the keys from the ignition.

 

“They’re not going to hate you, Jared. I’ve told the a lot about you, and they all think you’re a good guy.”

 

“Yeah, I’m sure you let out a lot of the bad crap I’ve said and done.”

 

“You’d be surprised.”

 

Jared’s eyes bulged. “What did you tell them?”

 

“Pretty much everything.”

 

“So they know I’m a friggin’ psycho?”

 

Jensen continued to smile through Jared’s panic.

 

“No,” he said calmly, “they know you’ve been through a lot. Jay, you gotta remember — I was freaking out today. And the whole time we knew each other - I’ve liked you. I needed to vent to someone I trusted.”

 

Jared sighed softly. “How do I act with them? I really don’t wanna mess this up. It’s the first time and we _just_ started dating, or whatever, and I —“

 

Jensen held up his hand. “Be yourself. They’ll love you. Come on.”

 

They climbed out of the car and Jensen grabbed Jared’s hand, leading him up to the door. He knocked once before opening it.

 

Inside, Jared saw a neatly decorated tree with a smattering of gifts under it, a piano, and a comfy couch. Most of the living room was filled with Christmas decorations; even the television was obscured with garland.

 

“We’re in the kitchen!” A woman’s voice called.

 

Jensen tugged the hand Jared was holding, pulling him toward the source of the voice.

 

Jared felt four sets of eyes on him immediately. An older, short, stocky woman rushed up first.

 

“You must be Jared. I’ve heard so much about you. I’m Donna, Jensen’s Mom.” She shook his hand vigorously as she spoke, oblivious to his shocked expression.

 

“Nice to meet you, ma’am,” Jared finally managed to push out of his unwilling lips.

 

She slapped him on the arm with a playful smile. “ _Donna_ ,” she corrected, “and this is my husband Alan. And Jensen’s siblings, Josh and McKenzie.”

 

Jared gave a shy wave, stunned to silence with the amount of people focusing their attention on him.

 

Alan scowled - now _that_ was an expression he was used to getting. “Cat got your tongue?”

 

“Dad, be nice - this is overwhelming for anyone,” Josh scolded. He rose and offered his hand. “I’m Josh, obviously. Nice to meet you, Jared.”

 

“Y—Yeah, you too,” Jared whispered.

 

“So did the song work?” McKenzie chirped from her seat.

 

“Huh?” Jared asked.

 

“Kenzie, don’t,” Jensen hissed.

 

“Don’t what?” Jared asked once more, looking between the Ackles siblings.

 

“That song. Your Song. Jenny here spent most of the morning practicing it even though he knew it’d screw with his hands,” Josh explained.

 

Jared looked at Jensen, wide-eyed. “Oh, Jen—“

 

“It’s not a big deal. I knew I screwed up last night and wanted to fix it.” Jensen shrugged softly.

 

Jared hugged him. “Thank you.”

 

“So are you two official now?” Kenzie prodded.

 

Jensen smiled and stepped back from Jared. He reached up and tucked a strand of Jared’s hair behind his ear. “Yeah, I’d say so. Of course we gotta be quiet about it, considering—“

 

“That you’re breaking the law?” Alan grumbled.

 

“Dad, enough,” Josh hissed.

 

Jared shrank away from Jensen, guilt hitting him at Alan’s words.

 

“Alan, Jensen is capable of making his own decisions. We aren’t here to judge our children, only support them. And Jared, you seem like a lovely boy,” Donna added, smiling sympathetically in Jared’s direction.

 

“Thank you,” Jared whispered, hanging his head a little to shield is eyes with his shaggy bangs.

 

The kitchen stood in a tense silence for a moment, no one sure what to say that wouldn’t break the barely there tension holding back possible chaos. Finally Josh cleared his throat.

 

“So you play piano, Jared? Do you know any Christmas tunes?”

 

Jared nodded, his hands shoved deeply into his pockets. It was pretty eyes tell not all - if any - of the Ackles family was really okay with him dating Jensen.

 

“Let’s go play some stuff. Mom loves her kids playing music on the holidays; you can take over for Jensen. Come on.” He clapped Jared on the shoulder and guided him into the living room and over to the piano.

 

They sat together on the bench and Josh lifted the key cover.

 

“I’m glad you and Jensen got together,” He commented, tapping out a few random notes.

 

“Feels like you’re the only one,” Jared admitted, tapping notes in response.

 

“Are _you_ happy?”

 

“I’m in love with him. I have been since I met him.”

 

“Yeah, you’ve been the only thing he’s talked about for months.”

 

“I have?”

 

Josh nodded, looking down at the piano. He played the beginning to Silent Night. “Drove us nuts. Kenz and I had a bet going over when you two would finally get together. It wasn’t a matter of if, it was when.”

 

Jared joined in, playing smoothly with him as they talked. “Who won?”

 

“Kenz. I thought it’d be at least New Years before you two got together.”

 

“It feels like your parents aren’t too pleased. I mean I get it, but…”

 

Josh snorted. “Mom’s happy. She doesn’t care how old you are. There’s only four years between you two and sixteen is pretty close to legal age. She’s just glad Jensen’s happy - he’s been alone a long time.”

 

“And your dad?”

 

“He’s— A little more reluctant. He’s worried Jensen will get in trouble over it.”

 

“So am I,” Jared added.

 

“Just be careful, you know? Take it slow, all of that good stuff.”

 

Jared looked up from the keys, catching sight of Jensen watching them from the doorway.

 

“Play a little louder, Jay,” He instructed when he noticed Jared had seen him.

 

“Bossy, isn’t he?” Josh teased. Jared only smiled, and began to play a little louder.

 

Jensen walked up to the piano and leaned on it, near Jared. He watched his fingers glide over the keys with a glint of sadness in his eyes.

 

“You’ll get your ability back,” Jared said softly, noticing the look.

 

“We’ll see.”

 

“Dude, you learned to play a song in a matter of _hours_ just to impress your boyfriend this morning. I’m thinking he’s right,” Josh argued. “Actually,”

 

He stopped playing and rose. “Give it a shot.”

 

“My hands are _numb_ , Josh, I can’t.”

 

“Numb means you won’t feel the pain. Go.”

 

Jensen sighed, meeting Jared’s hopeful gaze.

 

The teen said nothing when Jensen didn’t move. Instead he stopped playing the Christmas carol and shifted his hands over the keys. He took a nervous breath then and began to play and sing.

 

_“Sometimes I wonder how I’d ever make it through, through this world without having you. I just wouldn’t have a clue…”_

 

Josh chuckled and Jensen blushed. Donna came around the corner and leaned on the doorframe, listening as Jared continued to sing.

 

“He’s got a good voice,” McKenzie whispered, quickly being shushed by Alan, who’d come to the doorway to listen to Jared as well.

 

_“Sometimes I wanna give up, wanna give in. I wanna quit the fight. And then I see you baby, and everything’s alright - yeah everything’s alright…”_

 

Jensen sighed and sat down next to Jared.

 

“I hate you,” He whispered, flexing his fingers.

 

“Hate you back,” Jared quipped, sharing a smile with Jensen before they both came into the next part of the chorus, playing and singing.

 

_“When I see you smile, I can face the world. Oh, oh, you know, I can do anything. When I see you smile, I see a ray of light…”_

 

The room was silent as they played through the piece, each gazing only at one another.

 

Jensen’s notes weren’t quite as cooperative as Jared’s of course, but the piece was still beautiful. He refused to let his stumbling fingers stop him from enjoying this moment with Jared.

 

When the final note faded into silence, the entire Ackles family clapped for Jared and Jensen. Jared’s cheeks burned.

 

Donna walked up and gave him a tight hug from behind, ignoring his startled gasp.

 

“Jensen is an excellent teacher and you seem to have a world of talent, Jared. Good work.”

 

She pecked his burning cheek, as he stumbled through a thank you.

 

“Come on, you two. Sit on the couch so we can all open presents. Dinner will be done in half an hour.”

 

“P—Presents?” Jared stuttered. “I— I didn’t bring presents, I—“ Jensen set his hand on Jared’s shoulder.

 

“Tradition, Jay, says that people under eighteen don’t have to buy gifts.”

 

“You guys didn’t buy _me_ anything, did you? I mean, I—“

 

“Are a part of Jensen’s life and family. Which means, at least on holidays, like this one, you’re a part of ours as well.” Donna explained.

 

Jensen pulled Jared up and toward the couch before he could argue further.


	15. New Year's Eve

“Are you almost ready, Jay?” Jensen asked, fixing his tie in the mirror.

 

Jared emerged from the bedroom, his face. “I can’t.”

 

“Why not?”

 

“I don’t how to tie this tie,” Jared admitted, holding up the tie he’d chosen.

Jensen laughed. “Why didn’t you just ask me?”

 

“Because it’s humiliating,” Jared muttered.

Jensen grabbed the tie and pulled Jared up to him. “You’re sixteen. I didn’t learn to tie a tie until I graduated high school. No reason for embarrassment.” As Jensen spoke, he tied it neatly around Jared’s neck. When he was finished, he leaned forward and pressed his lips against Jared’s.

 

The younger giggled into the kiss. Jensen cocked his head when he pulled away. ”What’s so funny?”

”Nothing. Sorry, I just… I’m still waiting to wake up. I can’t believe we’re, you know…”

 

“Dating?” Jensen clarified, his lips curling into a smile when Jared’s cheeks pinked up further. “It’s not a dream, Jay. I’m right here. You have me, messed up hands and all. Regret it yet?”

 

Jared laughed, leaning on Jensen. “Never. Lemme grab my coat and scarf and we can go. We don’t want to be late for the concert.”

 

***

 

Jared wasn’t ashamed to admit he spent more time watching Jensen than the concert. They had the perfect seats and Jensen was clearly in heaven. He swayed to parts of the music, his eyes half closed as he tapped out the beat on his knee.

 

During the brief intermission, Jensen reached over, twining his fingers with Jared’s.

 

Jared’s eyes widened and he looked around, afraid someone would notice.

 

Jensen laughed. “Relax,” He said softly, leaning forward and pressing his forehead to Jared’s. “No one knows who we are. And you look my age with that outfit. We’re okay.” He brushed their mouths together, not missing Jared’s little smile.

 

The rest of the concert Jared spent curled under Jensen’s arm. It was perfect, a dream come true for Jared. And no matter how often Jensen promised him it was real; he just couldn’t believe it.

 

***

 

The concert was winding down slowly, a melancholy beautiful piece that had Jared tearing up. As the final notes faded, the bell in the courtyard nearby tolled. Midnight. All around them couples leaned in, sharing New Year’s kisses.

  
Jared had only spared a glance to Jensen before Jensen grabbed his chin, pulling him into a kiss as well.

  
The orchestra rose again with the notes of Auld Lang Syne but Jared barely heard it. All he could hear was his own heartbeat, pounding loud in his ears and the shaky breaths he was taking against Jensen’s parted lips.

  
They separated when the orchestra finished the piece, swollen lips and smiles clear on their faces.

 

“Happy New Year, Jay,” Jensen murmured.

 

“You too.”

 

“Let’s go home. I have a surprise for you.”

 

Jared cocked his head at that but let Jensen pull him up and guide him through the crowd and out the door into the cool night air.

 

The drive home was quiet but not uncomfortable. Jared couldn’t wipe the smile from his face; Jensen had kissed him in public. His first New Year’s kiss and it was with the man of his dreams.

 

***

 

“Go ahead and shower and get into comfy clothes,” Jensen instructed when they entered the apartment.

 

“Not gonna join me?” Jared teased. He meant nothing by it, of course. They’d taken things slow since that first night. Though Jared had offered, Jensen hadn’t done more than kiss him since they agreed to date on Christmas Day.

 

It was okay, of course. As much as Jared wanted to get to that point, he understood why Jensen was hesitant. He had so much more to lose than Jared if something were to go wrong in some way. He’d take what Jensen would give him until his age wasn’t a problem. It was only two years, after all. Two very long, very sexually tense, years.

 

Jared’s mind wandered to the events of the concert as he showered. How at ease Jensen was. The perfect feeling of holding hands, listening to the music, the warmth of cuddling – it was _exactly_ what Jared always wanted in a relationship. It didn’t need to be fireworks and lavish gifts. Just comfort and ease. He had that with Jensen now, and it was unbelievable. Too good to be true, really.

 

He was glad to see Jensen sitting at the piano when he emerged from the bathroom. Since Christmas they’d been working to get Jensen’s hands moving properly again, at least to the point he could play _something_ without pain.

  
When he came out of the bedroom in his sweats and a t-shirt Jensen patted the piano bench. “Come here.”

 

Jared sat and Jensen grinned widely. “So, I’m gonna do something for you tonight, but I want you to try and guess what it is based on the song I’m going to play.”

 

“Okay…”

 

Jensen’s grin grew wider. He set his hands on the keys and began to play. His face was a little twisted; even simple notes like these ones hurt, but it was getting easier.

 

When he began to sing, Jared’s face reddened. Surely it wasn’t _that_.

 

_“Oh I, I just died in your arms tonight. It must’ve been something you said. I just died in your arms tonight…”_

 

As Jensen played the musical interlude, he looked over at Jared. “Any ideas?”

 

Jared cleared his throat. “Nope.”

 

“Really? None?” He grinned wider and began to sing again. _“I keep looking for something I can’t get. Broken hearts, they’re all around me and I don’t see an easier way to get out of this. His diary sits by the bedside table, the curtains are closed, the cat’s in the cradle. Who would’ve thought that a boy like me could come to this? Oh I. I just died in your arms tonight…”_

 

Jensen continued to sing as Jared wracked his brain for something, _anything_ that Jensen could be implying with this song. But nothing came to him except the obvious. But Jensen had been so _against_ that…

 

During the next musical interlude, Jared gave up. “You don’t mean that you’re going to—“

  
“What, Jay?” Jensen’s voice was soft, almost pleading for Jared to guess.

 

“Do you mean you want to have sex with me? Tonight?” Jared finally squeaked out.

 

 _“Is there any just cause for feeling like this? On the surface I’m a name on a list. I try to be discreet but then blow it again…”_ Jensen faded out his singing and notes with that line before turning to look at Jared.

  
“It’s a huge step. If you wanna take time to think on it or say no, feel free. Don’t feel pressured. I—“

 

“Yes.”

 

Jensen froze with his mouth open, clearly surprised. “You mean, you’re—“

 

“Ready? Been ready for months? Though you were going to make me wait until I was eighteen? Yes, yes, and yes, but I’m so glad you’re not. Are your hands gonna be okay though? I remember last time—“

 

Jensen nodded, flexing his hands. “Yeah, I’ll need your help for some of it, but I should be good. We can make it work. If you want to. You _can_ say no. I won’t be offended.”

 

“No, Jensen. I’ve wanted it to be you damn near since I met you. If you—I mean _you_ shouldn’t feel pressured into it. I know I won’t be very good for you—“

 

“Jared, taking your virginity isn’t about _me_. It’s about _you_. And I’d be _honored_ to do it.”

  
Jared’s shoulders relaxed at that. He blushed a little, biting his lip. He leaned toward Jensen, allowing himself to be wrapped in a gentle hug, closing his eyes when he felt Jensen’s lips brush over his forehead.

 

“Let’s go to the bedroom,” Jensen whispered. Jared would be lying if he’d said his heart didn’t stop for a few seconds at those words.

 

***

 

Jared couldn’t stop shaking. It was fine – perfect, really – as he helped Jensen stretch himself. It was gentle touches and shy giggles that evolved into soft whimpers and moans as they worked Jared loose.

  
But now it was _that time_ and Jared was beginning to panic. He knew he was ready and he knew Jensen wouldn’t hurt him, of course, but nerves were running wild in his mind.

 

Jensen noticed, of course, and stopped after slipping the condom onto his cock. He smiled softly at Jared and kissed him until Jared saw spots.

 

“Are you okay? You’re shaking like a leaf, baby boy,” He whispered against Jared’s mouth.

 

“I’m good. I’m just nervous. I want this though.”

 

“You know you’re in control here. If you want me to stop at any time, just say the word.”

 

“I know. Thank you. I— I’m ready though.”

 

Jensen nodded and kissed him once more. He lined up his cock tip to Jared’s entrance.

  
“Breathe,” Jensen whispered against his lips before sliding home, slow and steady.

 

Jared’s entire body went still as he was filled for the first time, his eyes slipping shut. A quiet gasp slipped from his mouth.

 

“Hey, come back to me,” Jensen’s voice was soothing.

 

When Jared opened his eyes, he couldn’t help but smile. Jensen was so beautiful. He was braced over Jared, a thin sheen of sweat covering his bare skin as he struggled to keep still.

 

“You okay?” He asked. Jared nodded, shifting his thighs a little against Jensen’s hips, clenching around him.

 

Jensen hissed, his hips giving a little involuntary pump that had Jared groaning.

 

“Move,” He whispered after a few more moments of stillness.

 

“You sure?”

 

“You wanna stay like this forever?” Jared teased.

 

“I don’t know. You _are_ pretty comfy…” Jensen lowered himself onto Jared, nuzzling into his neck and giving a loud, fake snore.

 

Jared shouted, smacking Jensen’s arm playfully. His protests were cut short, however, when Jensen began to lazily pump his hips. His hands found Jensen’s ass, guiding him forward.

 

“Like that, Jay?” Jensen murmured. Jared knew it wasn’t dirty talk – Jensen was making sure he was enjoying it, but it sounded so fucking _sexy_.

 

“Harder, Jen,” Jared panted in response, arching his back.

 

Jensen obliged, raising up more to drive faster into Jared, a quiet groan escaping his lips.

 

Jared knew he wasn’t going to last long. Jensen’s cock was bumping against his prostate and the simple thrust of his hips was so overwhelming – dammit if he wasn’t going to at least _try_ to give Jensen a good time too. He wrapped his legs around Jensen’s hips and began to thrust up, meeting Jensen halfway each time.

  
Jensen’s eyes snapped open as he moaned in surprise, meeting Jared’s eyes. A pleased smirk stretched across Jared’s mouth before he tucked his bottom lip between his teeth.

 

“I—Jay, I’m not gonna last long if you keep that up,” Jensen warned.

 

“I’ve been close since we started. Keep going,” Jared whispered, dragging Jensen down to kiss him.

 

Their hips met in a quick rhythm, snapping together before drawing apart – a perfect background beat for their quiet, kiss muffled moans.

 

Jared was the first to orgasm. His body arched and stiffened under Jensen, gasping his name as he came, untouched, hot and sticky between their stomachs.

 

Taking advantage of the increased tightness, Jensen rutted into Jared hard and fast, bringing himself to orgasm before Jared had fully come down from his own. He spilled into the condom, wishing desperately that it was bare.

 

When Jensen could move again, he rolled off Jared, allowing Jared to cuddle up against him.

 

“We should shower,” Jensen mumbled against Jared’s hair.

 

“Uh-huh.”

 

“You falling asleep?”

 

“Mhm.”

 

Jensen laughed a little and kissed Jared’s temple. He untangled himself from those long limbs and grabbed a shirt from the floor. With a grimace, he pulled the condom off his spent cock and cleaned his stomach and Jared’s before pulling on a pair of boxers.

 

Jared’s eyes fluttered open briefly when Jensen crawled back into the bed. “Thank you. That was perfect.”

 

Jensen kissed Jared’s relaxed lips. “My pleasure baby boy. Get some rest.”

 

He stayed awake until he was sure Jared was sleeping peacefully, then allowed himself to fall asleep with his lover in his arms.


	16. All Good Things Must Come to An End

“Mm—Jen, stop. I’ve gotta study.” Jared whined. He pushed Jensen away from where he’d been nibbling on his neck and earlobe.

 

“You’ve been studying for two hours. You deserve a break,” Jensen argued.

  
Jared glanced at him. “Does that break involve you making me come so hard I see stars?”

 

“Of course it does.”

 

Things had been going _perfectly_. The addition of sex to their relationship hadn’t changed anything negatively, and everything was still a dream come true for both of them. It was mid-February now, just past two months of dating. In addition, they’d just passed Claire’s monthly home visit with flying colors. Jared wasn’t sure if anything could bring them down from the perfect streak they’d been on.

 

***

 

“Jensen!” Jared’s back arched off the couch as he came. Jensen pulled back just in time to have the hot ropes splash onto his cheeks and glasses; Jared’s favorite look for him it seemed.

  
Jared laughed tiredly. “Way to get messy.”

 

Jensen whipped some from his cheek, sucking it into his mouth. “But perfect. Feel better now?” His voice was raspy from the blowjob.

 

“Mm—yeah. But now I’m hungry,” Jared murmured, leaning forward. He began to kiss over Jensen’s face, the motion allowing him to lick some of his come up. As he did, he reached down, stroking Jensen through his sweats.

 

“Baby—Don’t you have to study?”

 

“It can wait the ten minutes it’ll take to make you come. Plus, are you really going to deny me when I’m asking so nicely?” Jared pouted.

 

“Fine,” He agreed as he pulled his glasses off to clean them.

 

Jensen barely gotten onto the couch before Jared was tugging his sweats out of the way to stroke hs neglected cock. He didn’t think it was humanly possible to improve on oral – and anal – as quickly as Jared had in only a few months.

  
Jared knew _exactly_ how to wiggle his hips to push Jensen over the edge. And Jensen would kill to figure out how he learned that trick with his tongue…

 

The trick he was currently using as he swallowed Jensen’s cock to the root.

  
“Fuck—Jay—I’m gonna—“ Jared pulled off, licking his lips like he’d just finished a particularly tasty sucker.

 

“Where do you wanna come?” He asked.

 

Innocence like that – after the _sinful_ way he was using his mouth – should have been illegal.

 

“Wanna swallow?” Jensen finally asked when he realized Jared’s question required some sort of coherent answer.

  
“I’d love to.” With that, Jared took him back into his mouth.

 

Jensen’s hips bucked wildly, his hand going to bury itself in Jared’s shaggy hair. He came within seconds, half afraid he was going to choke Jared with how far he pushed himself down Jared’s throat. But, as usual, Jared handled it like a pro.

 

A very _big_ problem presented itself, however, as Jared sucked the last of the come from Jensen’s spent cock. They hadn’t locked the door when they’d returned to the apartment today.

 

And someone was knocking. Well, knocked once, before shoving the door open.

 

Jared pulled himself off Jensen’s cock and turned, his entire body going cold when he saw none other than his mother standing in the doorway.

 

“What are you doing here?” Jared stammered, trying to shield Jensen from her view as he put himself away; not that it would make a difference.

 

“I—What—Rape!” She shouted. “Someone help!”

 

Jared leapt up and grabbed her, trying to pull her into the apartment before neighbors came to investigate.

  
She fought against him, still shouting. Fed up with his tugging, Sherry drew her hand back, slapping Jared across the face hard enough to dislodge him from her arm and stumble backwards.

 

Jensen was out the door and in front of Jared in a second. “Don’t you fucking touch him,” He threatened.

 

“Oh why? Because _you_ do? Sick freak. I can’t believe I let my baby boy stay here with some pedophile! Come on Jared. I was coming to offer you your home back and now I see you desperately need it.” She reached out for Jared but he jerked his arm away from her.

 

“I’m not going anywhere with you. Jen isn’t a freak or a pedophile! He cares about me!”

 

“Forcing you to give him oral is _not_ caring.”

 

“How about we take this into the apartment, huh?” Jensen pleaded, seeing some neighbors poking their heads out of their apartments at this point.

 

“Oh, why? Don’t want anyone to know they’ve got a child rapist living in their building?” She screeched.

 

“Enough!” Jared snapped. “I don’t know what you think you saw but you certainly didn’t see _that_.”

 

“I saw you sucking his dick!”

  
Jared crossed his arms, standing tall in front of his mother for what felt like the first time ever. “Prove it.”

 

Sherry gaped, not sure how to respond.

 

“Now, please. Leave before you cause more trouble,” Jared said when she had no comeback.

 

“No! I came to bring you home, Jared. It’s what I intend to do. The money I’ve been giving monthly hasn’t been touched, and I know you aren’t being taken care of. I’m all better. Come home.”

 

Jared’s face twisted with fury. “We haven’t touched it because we haven’t needed it. I’m being taken care of perfectly. Better than you and Dad _ever_ did. I—“

 

“Don’t you _dare_ speak ill of your late father,” She snapped.

 

“I will if it’s the truth! Jensen treats me better than you and dad ever did. He cares for me. I’m not a fucking burden to him!”

 

“Don’t you swear at me, Jared.”

 

“Or what? Go to hell, Mom. I’m never living with you again.”

 

“I am your _mother_.”

 

Jared scoffed. “No, you’re the woman that gave birth to me and passed me to the nanny. Jen’s mom is more of a mom to me than you have ever been. Just—Go away.” He turned to go back to the apartment.

 

Sherry grabbed his arm, trying to keep him in the hallway but Jensen stepped forward. He placed his hand firmly over her wrist.

 

“Mrs. Padalecki, I know you’re frustrated. But I asked you once. This is the last time I’ll say it. Keep your hands off Jared. By law he is in _my_ care until Child Protective Services finds you well enough to care for him or I’m deemed unfit. Since neither of those things have happened, I am kindly asking that you leave my front door.”

 

She yanked her arm out of Jensen’s grip. “Don’t touch me,” She hissed.

 

Jensen sighed, “Please leave.”

 

“Why? So you can rape my son again?”

 

“Stop saying that, Mom! Jesus!” Jared yelled. “False accusations are a crime.”

 

“So is statutory rape. I saw you with his dick in your mouth. It’s not false.”

 

“Again, _prove_ it. He’s done nothing like that. He treats me perfect. I haven’t cut or been depressed since I moved in here!”

 

“Brainwashing,” She muttered with a shrug.

 

“Oh, pull your head out of your ass,” Jared snapped. He grabbed Jensen’s arm and pulled him into the apartment. Even as the door shut, Sherry was shouting for him to come back.

 

***

 

“She’s not going away,” Jared muttered after ten minutes of her constantly knocking.

 

Jensen was sitting at the kitchen table, his head in his hands.

 

“Jen, I—“

 

“Do you think you should go with her?”

 

The words felt like a punch to Jared’s gut. “What? Do—Do you not want me to be here anymore?”

 

“No, Jared, of course not. But she _saw_ us. I could go to prison, man.”

 

“She can’t prove it!” Jared cried, hurt. “We don’t have any evidence that you have ever touched me.”

 

“She _saw_ you sucking my cock, Jay.  How is that not evidence?”

 

Jared threw his arms up. “She’s nuts and that’s documented. Call Claire – she’ll stand up for us! There aren’t photos or physical evidence. Just a mentally unstable woman’s word.”

 

“People have been convicted on word alone before.”

 

Jared’s shoulders slumped. He knew Jensen was right. But the thought of going back there…

 

“I guess… Call Claire and tell her I’m going home,” He muttered. “I’ll tell my Mom to wait in the car then go pack.”

 

“Jay, I—“

 

“Don’t.” Jared held up his hand. “Please don’t.” He walked over to the door and opened it, gasping in surprise. His mother was still there, but so were two uniformed officers.

 

“Jared Padalecki?” The first said, raising his eyebrows at Jared.

 

“Ye—Yeah.”

 

“I’m Officer Lewis, this is Officer James.”

 

Jensen came up behind Jared, scowling. “Problem, officers?”

 

“Yes, one of your neighbors called. Said there was a fight. And Mrs. Padalecki has just accused you of holding her son against his will and having inappropriate relations with him. Care to let us in to talk?”

  
Jensen’s shoulders sagged at Lewis’ words. “Of course, Officers.”

 

“What? No!” Jared cried. “He’s not holding me against my will. My Mom is nuts – I was removed from her care because she was too unwell to care for me. CPS put me with Jensen.”

 

“And I’m well now. Surely CPS would rather you be with your mother than a pedophile!”

 

“He’s never touched me. Not once,” Jared hissed.

 

“Let’s discuss this inside. Get CPS on the phone, see what they say,” Lewis said, holding his hand up to stop the argument.

 

Jensen pulled Jared back to let the cops and Sherry into the apartment. “I can get Claire’s cell number if you want. She’s the CPS worker that’s assigned to Jared’s case,” He said.

 

“That’d be great,” Lewis said.

 

“Do you mind if I look around?” James asked.

 

“I don’t care about the house, but you’ll have to ask Jared about the bedroom.”

 

Both officers scowled. “Why?”

 

“Because that’s Jared’s room. Some of my stuff is in there; it was my room before he moved in, but if you look beside the couch you’ll see my blankets and pillows. That’s Jared’s safe space and I don’t think it’s fair to infringe on it without his permission.”

 

“You mean to tell me you’ve been sleeping on the couch since he moved in? Wasn’t that back in November?” Sherry asked incredulously.

 

“Yes, ma’am. I don’t mind it. Jared needs a comfortable place to rest. He’s got school and other activities.”

 

James wandered around while Jensen found Claire’s card in his wallet. Seeing him hesitate at the bedroom door, Jared spoke up,

 

“Go into my room, I don’t give a fuck.”

 

“Jay,” Jensen began, passing Claire’s card over.

 

“I’m not apologizing. You’ve done nothing but care for me for months and they’re accusing you of this? It’s bull.”

 

“They’re just doing their jobs, Jared. Why don’t you just go finish studying? You have that math test tomorrow.”

 

“I’m not leaving you alone to get slandered.”

  
Jensen laughed a little at how protective Jared was. “Hey, you’ll be right in the kitchen. Not even a closed door away. It’s okay.”

 

Jared shook his head. “No,” Was all he said. He walked over to the piano, shoving past Lewis and his mother. Slouching onto the bench, he lifted the cover, playing a few quiet notes.

 

“Sorry,” Jensen said softly to both officers.

 

Lewis shook his head. “Teenagers can be a pain. I have a daughter, so I get it. I’m gonna step outside to make this call, my partner will stay here.”

 

“Would you like something to drink?” Jensen offered lamely as Lewis walked out. The air was tense already. He hated lying to anyone, and the fact that he and Jared were both lying to police officers was making him sick to his stomach. He needed to do something besides standing there to break the tension.

 

“No, thank you,” James said with a soft smile. Sherry sneered.

 

“Not from you. Jared – Is there anything for your Mom to drink?”

 

“Sorry, we don’t keep booze in the house?” Jared muttered, not lifting his eyes from the keys. He was tapping out what sounded like _Our Song_. “I know that’s your only option.”

 

“Why are you being so rude?”

 

Jared slammed his hands down on the keys, making everyone in the room jump. “Because you came into my home and accused my best friend of raping me! And then you tried to take me away from the best place I’ve ever been. This isn’t me being rude – this is me standing up for myself. Get used to it.”

 

“Hey, enough,” James said, holding up his hand. “I will remove you from the apartment, ma’am, if you can’t remain quiet.”

 

“I’m just talking to my son.”

 

“Who would clearly rather not speak to you until we get this resolved. I’m going to ask that you respect his wishes for now.”

 

Sherry scowled and crossed her arms but said nothing more.

 

Lewis entered the apartment and passed the card back to Jensen. “Claire is on her way.” He turned to his partner. “James, can you call up Daniels? I guess he was the responding officer when Mrs. Padalecki here temporarily gave over her custody and he’s the one who recommended Mr. Ackles for guardianship. I want to read his report.”

 

James nodded and stepped out of the apartment to make the call.

 

Lewis smiled weakly at Jensen. “You know these are serious allegations.”

 

“Yessir,” Jensen whispered, staring at the floor.

 

“So, how did you meet Jared?”

 

“I – I was his piano instructor at first. We became friends and then I ended up taking him in.”

 

“How does a twenty year old college student just become friends with a high schooler, Mr. Ackles?”

  
“Same way a schoolteacher does,” Jared muttered from the piano. “I was a lonely kid. No real friends that cared about me and a shitty home life. Jensen made me feel like I could do something. He took an interest in me and made me be confident. And I’m glad he did, or I’d be six feet under with my dad right now.”

 

Lewis nodded. “The CPS worker had mentioned something about a suicide attempt. Why don’t you tell me about it?”

 

“I’m sure it’s in your cop friend’s report and I know it’s in Claire’s. I really don’t want to talk about it.”

 

“And why is that?”

 

Jared stared at the officer like he had multiple heads. He stood from the piano and pulled his hoodie off, holding out his scarred arms. “Because I tried to _kill myself_. I slit my arms open and my mom was too drunk and high on pills to care. It’s a little fucking traumatic for me to talk about.”

 

“Are you seeing a counselor for it? Your tendencies?”

 

Jared sat back down at the piano and continued to play as he spoke. “Yes. Jensen helped me get set up with a great counselor. My Mom had refused when I asked after my Dad’s death. But I’m getting help now.”

 

Lewis nodded. James returned, clipping his phone to his belt. “Daniels is putting the Padalecki case on your desk. He had nothing but praise for Mr. Ackles though, and—“ He hesitated and pulled James to him. He began to murmur in his ear, quiet enough that no one could hear, though they glanced over in Sherry’s direction a few times. Finally Lewis nodded.

 

“Understood.” He turned to Jensen. “Alright, it looks like we’re just waiting for Claire now. Why don’t you tell me what happened here before we arrived, Mr. Ackles?”

  
Jensen nodded. He began to explain their day from Jared getting home and studying to when Sherry opened the door. Of course, he omitted the oral sex – stating that Jared had been on his knees when she entered because he was grabbing his pencil that had rolled under the couch while they were talking.

 

“But I saw your penis,” Sherry argued, cutting him off.

 

James held up his hand to remind her to stay silent, but Jensen shook his head and addressed her.

 

“You saw my hand. Jared’s head was near my lap, yeah, because of the angle he was reaching under the couch at. My hands were in my lap at the time. When I’m relaxed they look a little weird.” He held up his hands to show the officers their clawed state. “Maybe you mistook my hand for fingers for a bit of a deformed penis?”

 

“Why is your hand like that?” James asked.

 

“Motorcycle injury. Messed up a whole lot more than my hands, I’m lucky to be alive.”

 

Both officers nodded. “Keep going.”

 

Jensen continued to explain what happened after she burst in, making sure to include Sherry striking Jared and grabbing him against his will, as well as screaming for help and rape – which was what led to the officers being called in the first place.

 

Right around the time he finished, a soft knock sounded at the door. Jared rose to answer it, smiling weakly at a very haggard looking Claire.

  
“Jensen, Jared. I got here as quickly as I could,” She said, running her fingers affectionately over Jared’s cheek. “Officers, Mrs. Padalecki, what is going on?” She continued, entering the apartment.

 

Lewis led her into the hallway to speak to her about the situation in private, leaving James with the others once more.

 

As he did, Jared walked to Jensen, hesitating in front of him. Their gazes met and Jared tried his hardest to smile. He felt sick and cold. Guilt was washing over him, making it hard not to cry. This was all his fault. He wanted nothing more than to throw his arms around Jensen and hide from the world. But of course, thanks to all of this, he may never get that opportunity again.

 

Jensen reached out and squeezed his shoulder, offering what Jared knew was supposed to be a comforting smile. With a soft sigh, Jared brushed past him and sat at the kitchen table, opening up his textbook once more. He had to try and focus on _something_ that wasn’t this fucked up situation or he was going to make himself sick.

 

***

 

Claire and Lewis didn’t return to the apartment for nearly twenty minutes. When they did, Jared’s heart sank at the expression on Claire’s face.

 

“Jensen, I know you care for Jared, but statutory rape charges are _very_ serious. We can’t risk Jared’s safety. You have to understand.”

 

Jensen’s jaw twitched. From Jared’s view it looked like he deflated, his shoulders sagging. “I get it,” He whispered, his voice barely audible.

 

“For the duration of the investigation, we’re going to remove Jared from your care. After, if the charges end up amounting to nothing, we can discuss putting him back in your guardianship if you both want that.”

 

“No.” Jared stood and approached them, standing in front of Jensen. “You—You can’t do this, Claire, please don’t send me back to my Mom,” He pleaded, tears filling his eyes.

 

Sherry stepped forward and reached for Jared, trying to pull him into a hug. Jared shied away, pressing back against Jensen’s chest. He didn’t care how it looked at this moment; _anything_ was better than her.

 

“Jared, you need to stop fighting me every step of the way,” Sherry said softly.

 

“We’re not sending you back home either, Jared,” Claire said.

  
“What?” Both Sherry and Jensen said in unison.

 

“You’re going to a temporary group home. We feel like that’s the best option for you,” Claire explained, crossing her arms.

 

“But, I—Why can’t I just stay here with Jensen under supervision?”

 

“Jared, it’s okay,” Jensen whispered.

 

“No, it isn’t!” Jared whipped around and wrapped his arms around Jensen. He began to cry as soon as Jensen returned the hug, burying his face in Jensen’s neck. “This isn’t fair.”

 

“We’ll figure it out, Jay. You’ll be okay.”

 

“No, I won’t,” Jared whispered.

 

Sherry scowled at the scene in front of her. “I don’t see why you don’t just let me take him home. I’d be willing to drop the accusation and I could protect him from this man.”

 

Claire turned on Sherry. “You can’t just _drop_ an accusation like that when CPS and the police are already involved. Did he or did he not rape Jared?”

 

“He did, but—“

 

“No, he didn’t!” Jared shouted. He lunged at Sherry, his tearstained eyes dark with anger.

 

Jensen and James grabbed for Jared, nearly picking him up off the ground to hold him back. “Get her the fuck out of here,” Jensen snarled, trying his best to keep Jared from attacking his mother.

 

Lewis ushered Sherry out of the apartment quickly and Claire stepped up. She held her hands out in front of her. “It’s okay, Jared. I do believe you.”

  
Jared relaxed a little at her words. “Then why are you taking me away? You said yourself I’m doing better here than you’ve seen me in months. That’s because of _Jensen_.”

 

“I know, Jared. And I’m sorry. I wish there was another way. But I must do my job. This is procedure. I will do everything in my power to get this investigated and settled quickly. I just need you to be patient with me.”

 

Jared hung his head. He pulled out of Jensen and James’ grips. “Fine. But I will _never_ move back in with that woman.”

 

“No, you won’t. We now have multiple documented acts of neglect or abuse. I’m going to make sure you don’t go back to her.”

 

“But—Can I see Jensen while this is happening?”

 

“We’ll see,” Claire said softly, but her expression told Jared the answer to that question was probably no.

 

“I – I guess I’ll go pack up some stuff.” He pushed past them and went into the bedroom.

 

Jensen wanted to follow, but knew it’d look bad. So, he stood in the middle of his apartment, listening to Jared cry, and there was nothing he could do.

 

He stood in the middle of his apartment and watched Claire and James escort Jared out of the house, and there was nothing he could do.

 

He stood in the middle of his apartment as the love of his life looked back at him, his kaleidoscope eyes wet with tears, and mouthed ‘I’ll miss you’, and there was nothing he could do but smile.

 

Jensen didn’t realize he was crying until he tasted his own salty tears, standing in the middle of his lonely, empty, apartment.


	17. Take It By Your Side

“Fuck you!” Jared slammed the door to the bedroom hard enough to make the pictures shake on the walls.

  
Robert sighed, rubbing his temples. He walked into the living room where his wife was scrubbing juice out of the carpet. “We have to call CPS.”

 

“He’s been through four homes already, Rob. If he can’t stay with us I don’t know if he’ll ever find a home. Give him a while to adjust.”

 

“It’s been a week, Norma. He’s refusing to even try.”

 

She sighed softly. “Call Claire then, I guess.”

 

From the bedroom, Jared listened, silently cheering when he heard Robert begin talking to Claire over the phone.

 

Norma and Robert weren’t bad people. Neither were Jack and Monica, or Rebecca, or Nicole and Richard. Deidre and Carl had been sort of lazy, but they weren’t terrible either, not really. But it had been three months since Jared was removed from Jensen’s home. Three months since he’d seen or spoken to Jensen. Claire had promised she’d fix this but she refused to evens peak to him about the investigation. _‘Focus on working with this family, Jared. Things will be much better if you’d just try—‘_

 

But Jared didn’t want to try. He wanted his bed and his school and Jensen. He wanted crappy movies and piano keys worn from their fingers. He wanted to come home to that green-eyed man he loved so much.

 

He missed Jensen’s twenty-first birthday. It was spent in the temporary group home while he’d waited for a place to foster him.

 

And now it was almost his seventeenth birthday and he was four towns away from Jensen. He was crying himself to sleep with that earth toned plaid scarf in a creaky twin bed that smelled of mothballs.

  
He was living the fucking dream.

 

***

 

Claire looked tired beyond her years when Jared was ushered into her office the following Monday morning.

  
“Again? Come on, Jared – I know this isn’t you. You’re a good kid.”

 

“I’m not a kid. And you’re a liar,” Jared spat.

 

“I’m sorry? When have I ever lied to you?”

 

“About Jensen! You won’t tell me what’s happening with the investigation, you won’t let me _speak_ to him, and you promised you’d get this solved quickly! It’s been four months!”

 

“Jared, please calm down.”

 

“No!”

 

Claire sighed and scrubbed her hand down her face. “Is this why you haven’t even tried to get settled into a foster home?”

 

“I should be back with Jen by now.”

 

“Jared – That’s just not possible.”

 

Jared’s body went cold at her tone. “Why?”

 

“I—“

 

“Did he get convicted? Is Jensen in prison? He didn’t rape me, Claire.”

 

“I know, I know. But I’m really not at liberty to say.”

 

“Is Jensen in prison?” Jared repeated, anger coming back full force.

 

“Jared, I—“

 

“I deserve to know!”

  
Claire sighed. “He’s not in prison. For now, he’s still a free man.”

 

“For now?”

 

“I could get fired for this.”

 

“I won’t tell anyone. Please, Claire.”

 

“The investigation is still ongoing. Your mother and siblings aren’t making it easy on us. They keep coming forward with new accusations about Jensen. Though most are ridiculous and unfounded, each new one prevents us from closing the case until it’s been investigated.

 

“So he’s still being investigated because of my family? Are you fucking kidding me?”

  
Claire reached out, squeezing his hand. “I’m sorry, Jared.”

 

“So because of this mess – I could be stuck in foster care for longer. I could turn eighteen before this is all over.”

 

“It’s very possible if your mother continues this.”

 

“I miss Jensen, Claire. I miss my home,” Jared broke, slumping into the chair across from her desk. He sniffled softly.

 

“I know you do.”

 

“Could – Do you think you could let me speak to him?”

 

“I can’t, Jared. It’s illegal. I’d lose myjob and he could be arrested right then and there.”

 

“Please then, just… When you see him again can you tell him I miss him and I can’t wait to see him? Tell him I won’t give up.”

 

Claire smiled softly. “I think I can do that. Under one condition.”

 

“What?”

 

“You _try_ to do well in your next foster home.”

 

Jared grimaced. “Who are you putting me with?”

 

“A family another town over. They’ve expressed interest in you from day one, but were fostering another child who just aged out. They foster troubled older teens exclusively – usually between the ages of sixteen and seventeen, until the child ages out. They’ve been a huge help to a lot of our kids and I think you’ll really like them. Their names are Greg and Marcie. Greg plays piano even.”

 

“Really?” Jared perked up a little at that. He hadn’t touched a piano since that day in February.

 

“Really. Give them about an hour and they’ll be here to get you. Are you hungry?”

 

“Have you seen me? Always.”

 

Claire laughed a bit. “Alright. Let me finish up these few documents and we’ll grab a quick lunch before they come.”

 

***

 

Jared sighed softly, trying to smile as Marcie cut into his birthday cake. Greg nudged him.

 

“Talk to me.”

 

“It’s just—I really like you guys and this is awesome but—“

 

“You hoped you’d be back with Jensen before you turned seventeen.” Greg finished.

 

Jared nodded.

 

Greg and Marcie were amazing. Jared felt safe with this couple. Greg taught piano at the local high school – the same school Jared would be attending for his senior year if he was still with them come next month.

 

Marcie was a nurse at the local hospital and had been working with Jared in science subjects; he’d fallen behind with all of his home hopping the first few months he was in foster care.

 

Under their care this past month Jared had really started to flourish. But they weren’t Jensen. As happy as he was with them, every smile was bittersweet, and every memory tinged with sadness that it wasn’t shared with the one person Jared wanted to.

 

Like this: his seventeenth birthday. Back when Jared wasliving with Jensen, they’d joked about going on a cruise or a road trip, but even just relaxing and gorging on cake and bad movies would have been enough for Jared if he’d had Jensen.

 

Greg and Marcie were trying their hardest. They’d gotten Jared a beautiful chocolate cake and made one of his favorite dinners. Greg bought him some new sheet music and Marcie had given him some new clothes. It was great – but it was missing that one crucial element.

 

“How was the cake?” Marcie asked when Jared went to wash his plate.

 

“It was perfect, thank you.”

 

“There’s one more gift for you, Jared. It’s on your bed,” Greg said.

 

Jared frowned, confused, but padded into his room. On the bed was a simple white envelope with nothing written on the front. He scooped it up, surprised at the weight of it. He turned it over and opened it.

 

Inside was a stack of court papers with a sticky note on the front in Claire’s handwriting.

 

_‘Happy seventeenth birthday, Jared! Sorry I couldn’t give this to you in person but I hope you enjoy it and your day. I’ll call you next week. Congrats.’_

 

Jared began to flip through the documents. When he realized what they were, he felt his heart climb into his throat. They were papers required to give over legal guardianship of a minor. The minor in this case was himself – and the applicant for legal guardianship was signed on every page as Jensen Ackles.

 

His heart was pounding dangerously fast by the time he reached the final sheet of paper – a handwritten note from Jensen. Jared settled onto the bed and put aside the rest of the papers to read the note, his hands shaking visibly.

 

_‘Jay—_

_It’s been too fucking long. Claire told me about the different homes and about you acting out. I wish you hadn’t done that. But I get why you did. She also told me you’re happy with Marcie and Greg. That’s why I didn’t file these papers right away. I want you to know you have a choice. I won’t be hurt or mad if you choose to stay with these guys – they’re awesome. We can still be friends and pick up right where we left off. But if you want to live with me – if you’re ready to do this the right way – all we have to do is drop off this paperwork at the courthouse on Monday and then go see the judge._

 

_It’ll be easy, considering the letters I’ve got from Claire and a couple of the cops we’ve dealt with saying what a great, competent, loving guardian I am. Your mother and brother have been listed as incompetent guardians for you – so there really shouldn’t be a problem._

 

_But it’s your choice either way. Just let Gret know. He and I sat down and had a long conversation about you a few days ago to get this all arranged. And those rape charges – if you were curious – it was all dropped. Nothing was found showing that I hurt you in any way, so we don’t have to worry about that again. I hope to see you soon, Jared._

_—Love, Jen’_

 

Jared was crying halfway through the letter. It was over. He could go home. He could go back to Jensen.

 

Wiping his cheeks, he rushed into the living room. “Greg? Marcie?”

  
But the living room was empty.

 

Then Jared heard the piano down in Greg’s den. They often spent time down there playing different pieces to practice or for Marcie. Maybe that’s what he was doing. Jared headed toward the stairs as a familiar song began to play. And a familiar voice began to sing,

 

_“Strange infatuation seems to grace the evening tide. I’ll take it by your side. Such imagination seems to help the feeling slide. I’ll take it by your side. Instant correlation sucks and breeds a pack of lies. I’ll take it by your side. Oversaturation curls the skin and tans the hide. I’ll take it by your side…”_

 

Back in January, Jared had brought home a tape from a school friend. He’d gotten it while visiting England over the holiday break. It had some music from a new band, Placebo. Jared had instantly fallen for the singer’s voice and this specific song. Jensen had joked he would learn to play it for Jared one day.

 

Jared took the rest of the steps two and three at a time. He rounded the corner to the den and stopped short in the doorway just as the lyrics picked up again.

 

_“I’m unclean, a libertine, and every time you vent your spleen I seem to lose the power of speech. You’re slipping slowly from my reach; you grow me like an evergreen. You’ve never seen the lonely me at all.”_

 

Jensen turned his head, still playing quickly. Their eyes locked for a moment as he began to sing again,

 

 _“I take the plan, spin it sideways. I fall… Without you, I’m nothing…”_ He continued to sing the lyrics, playing smoothly.

 

Greg approached Jared. “Happy birthday.”

 

Jared looked over at him, his eyes shining with tears as Jensen let the final notes of the song fade. He rose from the bench and faced Jared. “Heya, Jay.”

 

“Heya? That’s all you say to me?” Jared whispered.

 

They went forward at the same moment, meeting in the middle in a rib cracking hug.

 

“I can’t believe this – I can’t believe _you_ ,” Jared muttered into his shoulder.

 

Jensen laughed. “Hey, blame Claire and Greg. They’re the ones that helped set this up.”

 

Jared pulled back, wiping his cheeks. “You did?” He asked, looking over at Greg.

 

Marcie and he nodded, standing close together.

 

“As soon as Claire told us about Jensen we knew you’d choose to go back to him. We wanted your first time seeing each other after so long to be special. So, Jensen and I worked out this plan.”

 

“I do want to go back, but you guys have been so good to me. I feel awful just leaving.”

 

“Don’t. This was always a temporary home, dear,” Marcie assured him. Greg nodded.

 

“You’ve wanted to be back with Jensen for months and that’s okay. If you want to make it up to us – caring for you – just let us know how you’re doing every now and then, huh? Let us know you’re happy and healthy.”

 

“Of course. I’ll call you guys as much as I can,” Jared promised.

 

Greg nodded. “Go on and pack some stuff – I’m sure you want to get home tonight. We’ll bring the rest of your things along tomorrow.”

 

“Are you sure?” Jared worried.

 

“My pleasure. Like I said, Jensen and I arranged this all for you earlier.”

 

Jared broke from Jensen’s side to hug them both tightly. “Thank you,” He whispered.

 

***

 

Jared didn’t know what to expect on the ride home. But he certainly wasn’t expecting the awkwardness that presented itself as soon as they were alone in the car.

 

It seemed as if neither knew what to say or do. They didn’t know what their relationship was now, nor how to approach the questions. So, they opted for uncomfortable silence.

 

Once they entered the comfortable, familiar apartment however, Jared was done with it.

 

“So what’s the deal?”

 

Jensen jumped like Jared had stabbed him. “What?”

 

“What’s going on? I know we had that fiasco so – Are we still dating? Do you want to kiss me? What about sex? Do we wait until I’m eighteen? We can’t spend the next year in awkward silence, Jensen. If we’re gonna I may as well go back to Greg and Marcie.”

 

Jensen chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck. “Uh, truth?”

 

“Always.”

 

“I was trying to figure out how to ask you pretty much the same stuff.”

 

“Oh—“ Jared looked at his feet. “Well, I—I still like you. I still wanna date you. But I know you stand to lose more, so this should be your decision.”

 

“ _Our_ decision, Jared,” Jensen corrected. When Jared looked up, he smiled softly. “I’d _really_ like to kiss you right now.”

 

Jared relaxed visibly, his own smile matching Jensen’s. “Thank God.”

 

He closed the gap between them in three long strides, shoving Jensen back until he hit the wall. Jared took the lead, pressing their lips together hard and needy.

 

They barely made it to the bedroom before clothes were being shed, separating their mouths only when absolutely necessary. It was a wonder they made it to the bed without injury.

 

Jared couldn’t remember a time sex or masturbation had felt as good as it did that night. Jensen took him bare, their bodies pressed together as much as they could, skin sliding with sweat, sharing breath and space like they were the same entity.

 

As they drifted to sleep in each other’s arms that night, Jared realized he’d never been happier. Sure, things had been great before this – but getting back together after such a stressful separation – it really made him realize how special what they had was. Despite everything, Jared had had the perfect seventeenth birthday.


	18. Epilogue

**10 Years Later**

The final notes faded into the air. The entire hall was silent for a moment before the audience broke into applause, the majority giving a standing ovation. The next piece picked up a few minutes later – an upbeat tune that a few of the crowd members recognized as hair ballad from the eighties.  
 ****

One never knew what to expect when purchasing tickets, but that was half the fun. The concerts were always satisfying; an eclectic mix of classical music, modern rock and old rock, usually from the eighties and nineties. Occasionally there was singing, an extra treat.

 

What drew people originally was the story. Heartbreaking endearing, and absolutely packed with drama and love. A teen from a bad family – saved by a kind college student. Months of heartache and worry, and finally: happiness. At first many questioned the validity of their story, but upon seeing the two men on stage, no one could any longer.

 

***

 

Things weren’t always easy for Jared and Jensen after his seventeenth birthday. They kept their relationship quiet for a while, even after Jared turned eighteen. It wasn’t until he’d graduated with his bachelor’s in music that they decided to come out, in a very public way.

 

It was the night of their first gig – if one could call two men playing a piano in a quiet little bar a gig. There was only a small group of people, including Greg and Marcie and Jensen’s family.

 

Jensen went off their list of songs when he began to play _Wishlist_. It surprised Jared, but warmed his heart. One of the first songs they’d played together that wasn’t classical, it still held a special place for him whenever he heard it.

 

Their set was twenty songs. An hour of playing nonstop – though they took occasional breaks. Jensen made it halfway through. Even after six years of practicing, his hands still gave out. Of course, they’d planned for this. Jensen settled on a stool near the piano and sang while Jared played.

  
The plan had been to take one another’s hand or something similar after the concert, in front of this group. Their way of coming out that was subtle and perfect for them. So when Jensen dropped to one knee on stage, fishing out the ring box with his shaking, aching hands, Jared was stunned to silence.

 

***

 

That was four years ago. Now he stood up from the piano bench in the packed hall, smiling out at the crowd. As always, Marcie and Greg – greyer now – sat in the front row. Jensen’s brother was there as well, though his parents were unable to attend.

 

Just a boy with too-long hair and scars from his elbows to his wrists. And next to him, a boy with bright green eyes and goofy glasses. Even with braces on both wrists he had some of the biggest talent for piano playing in their area.

 

As their hands clasped for the bow, Jared felt the warm silver of Jensen’s ring – identical to the one on his left hand. The applause was deafening as they bowed. Standing straight, Jensen tugged Jared into a hug, pressing their bodies as tightly as he could manage.

 

“I love you, Jay. We’re doing great,” He whispered in Jared’s ear.

 

Jared grinned against his shoulder, squeezing even tighter as the applause grew louder. It had been a long journey and a lot of heartache, but Jensen was right. They were doing great now.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's a wrap! Thank you guys for sticking with this fic and reading it, commenting. I had so much fun writing this and I'm glad you guys enjoyed it.

**Author's Note:**

> I will try to update this fic regularly. Currently I'm sitting with a little writer's block, so there might be periods of inactivity on the fic, but my plan is to update with one new chapter a month at minimum, faster if I have a spark of inspiration.


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